Sexual Assault Awareness Month!

So, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I thought it would be a topic worth discussing on my blog. Sexual Assault is a horrible thing to go through and no person alive should have to go through it.

A description of sexual assault found on the Met website goes by this “The overall definition of sexual or indecent assault is an act of physical, psychological and emotional violation in the form of a sexual act, inflicted on someone without their consent. It can involve forcing or manipulating someone to witness or participate in any sexual acts.

Not all cases of sexual assault involve violence, cause physical injury or leave visible marks. Sexual assault can cause severe distress, emotional harm and injuries which can’t be seen – all of which can take a long time to recover from. This is why we use the term ‘assault’ and treat reports just as seriously as those of violent, physical attacks.” [1]

At the age of 13, I engaged in a sexual relationship with an 18-year-old. This was not a typical relationship and should never have happened. However, it did, and I can’t go back in time and change what happened. Although, I technically gave consent, I was still underage, and it’s considered as Statutory Rape within the UK. He used many different phrases and techniques in order to keep me “under his spell” and now thinking about him makes me feel physically sick. I didn’t know back then but he was purely using me for sex and as a toy. He didn’t care about my feelings and wouldn’t have cared the emotional distress that he put in for years afterwards.

And then fast forward to the 1st of August, I had to endure being held down and strangled whilst my then boyfriend had sex with me. He woke me up and didn’t care that I didn’t want it, he continued. He held me down and strangled me until I lost consciousness and I don’t remember much. It was supposed to be a romantic night of us sleeping under the stars in a tent, however that romantic night turned sour and it was the start of what would be a reoccurring problem. I wish I could say that it only happened once, when he was going through a tough time, but the truth was, it wasn’t. It happened repeatedly and I had no one to talk to.

I’m not telling you this to get said people into trouble, hence why no names have taken place. I am writing to tell you that these attacks have made me the person that I am today. There are nights where I wake up in a jolt because of nightmares. There are days where I have paranoia that they are going to come back and destroy me a little bit more, but the truth is, I know they will never get close enough to hurt me. I may have PTSD because of some negative people but that doesn’t define me. They made their choices, and I swear I will not let their choices define who I am or where I go in life.

I want everyone who has ever had someone touch them without their consent, to those that have had to endure a person force their advances without their consent, you are fighters and their actions aren’t because of who you are! You are not responsible for them or their actions. You did not deserve their actions and you are stronger than they can ever be. You may not feel it right away, but you will get passed it. It may take therapy, it may take a tonne of drugs and bad choices, but you will beat their actions because you have it in you.

I know that for the longest time I believed that I deserved it. That I was responsible for the things that happened to me. I thought that if I had been a better person, it wouldn’t have happened. But that simply is not true. I never asked for them to do what they did. And after it happened, I felt that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because of shame or belief that they wouldn’t believe me. I had to live in fear that they would come back and harm me again. I had to have their images repeated in my brain for years because I didn’t open up to anyone. That probably did more harm than good because in stead of facing those demons that they left behind, I hid from them. I found ways to escape. I believed the lies that it was all my fault and that no one would ever care because I had become damaged goods. I have scars left behind from their touch, but those scars are now a reminder. A reminder that I am stronger than ever because they will never reach me again.

So many people don’t come forward when it comes to sexual abuse for so many reasons. They could have been drinking or taking drugs, they could know the person responsible, they may be living in fear but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t come forward. I know I never did because I was scared of wrecking someone’s life like the way they wrecked mine. I was scared that I would be ignored or told that I was making it up. I was scared for the families that I knew personally and how they would react. I feared being judged by people that had no clue, but honestly, a part of me wishes I had come forward so many times.

Now, to the people that have committed these acts, why? Why did you feel the need to damage someone mentally and physically because you couldn’t take no as an answer? Why did you feel that your needs were more important that theirs? How would you feel if your sister or aunts or daughters had to go through the atrocious acts that you put on others? Why can’t you keep your hands to yourself and act on reciprocation and consent? You are wrecking more than your own life by not keeping your hands and actions clean.

I want all my followers to know that there are many people you can talk to about being abused. Police and therapists are the key people, because they can help you get justice for yourself. But also, you can reach out to me. I will always be available to listen without judgement and without fear of it going any further. I also want you all to think about your actions. Don’t do anything against someone’s will and just don’t be a dick. If anyone wants to reach me, you can get in touch via my Facebook page, twitter or Instagram. I will always answer. I hope the future sees a decrease in sexual assaults because no person on this planet deserves that kind of torment. I hope wherever you are in the world, you’re keeping healthy and isolating. And as always, keep smiling, even when it hurts.



Quotes I love!

Right now, with the world being such an uncertain place, I thought I’d share with you some quotes that I absolutely love. All these quotes mean a lot to me and have helped me out in ways I can’t express. Some of them have come from films and others are things people have said that have stuck with me. I will try my hardest to find the original person to say the quote where possible but if I can’t, I’ll write where I heard it or found it.

Harry Potter Quotes

I love Harry Potter so much, that there are quite a few quotes from either the books or films that I embrace as much as I can.

Wit beyond measure is mans greatest treasure. – Luna Lovegood; Okay, so this quote is part of the reason my daughter is called Luna… Maybe that’s a lie, she’s called Luna because I love the character and what she stands for. In a world that tries to make us all ‘normal’, she embraces her quirkiness and stands out in a crowd. And if Luna can have even a small part of that, then I know no one will be able to tell her who to be. The quote itself is said by Rowena Ravenclaw and are the words for her house, but you hear them from Luna. This quote is about knowing your mind, because your intelligence is greatly valued in the world. Our brains are the greatest thing we have in our lives, they control our thinking and our actions. Without them, we would be robots who do what we are told. I refuse to let my brain down. So much goes on up there that I always try to get things written down and follow inspiration wherever it takes me.

Happiness can be found in the darkest of places if one only remembers to turn on the light. – Albus Dumbledore; Now this is a quote that I wanted on my wall around my light switch for a few reasons. I’m scared of the dark, not only the physical darkness but also the darkness that seems to control my mind, and this quote was my reminder that I can happiness, if I remember where to look. For example, Luna is a light switch. Every time I see her, I can’t help but remember that she is the brightest star in my night and will always keep me alive even when I feel at my weakest. We are in control of our happiness, so when we feel like we can’t go on, we just need to remember the things that brightened up our days beforehand.

The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are. – Sirius Black; In a world that seems obsessed with documenting murders and rapists on every social outlet, its not all the world is. Not every person on this planet is bad, its just some of them made poor choices. We all can be either a good or bad person. We all have the power to be the nicest person we are capable of or be the meanest prick out there and that all comes from the choices we make. Sometimes we make bad choices, but that doesn’t make us bad people. If we continue to make bad choices and only bad choices, then we have chosen a path of darkness.

I tried to limit the number of quotes I used from Harry Potter because I could be here for days. Here are some other quotes that I absolutely love.

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realise how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us. – Socrates; I love this quote because it keeps me grounded. Life is full of unanswered questions and things that we just don’t understand. We aren’t meant to know all the answers, we are just meant to learn about our journeys and the things that impact it. Every day we are learning more about the people we are and the people we want to be, that’s why we change so much over the years. That doesn’t mean we should stop learning.

She feels more than you. You have to understand that about her. She feels the edge and the details of things and when she gets close to someone, she feels their happiness and pain. – JM Storm; This is just one of the quotes about Borderline Personality Disorder that I absolutely love. It explains a fraction of what is like to live in my brain. Our emotions are on a grander range than the average person. We feel so much more and sometimes it’s without reason. Our brains can be a scary place, but a little understanding can go a long way.

I couldn’t trust my own emotions. Which emotional reactions were justified, if any, and which ones were tainted by the mental illness of BPD? I found myself guarding and limiting my reactions, chastising myself for possible distortions and motivations. – Rachel Reiland; So, this is another quote about BPD, and again explains a little bit more. When it comes to most situations, I have a hard job trying to work out if I’m just overreacting or if my reaction is justified. Sometimes I feel like my feelings are a complete rationalisation of how I’m feeling but then others I feel like I can’t control it even though sometimes I really wish I could.

All you need is faith, trust and a little pixie dust. – Peter Pan; I absolutely love Peter Pan; it’s my favourite collection of stories and it was inevitable that I was going to use this one. I think in a world that has endless possibilities, why is it so hard to believe in fairies? Magic comes in many forms and this quote takes me back to my childhood where things were simpler, but imagination was on a bigger stage. It’s about having faith in something that seems impossible and trusting that it will happen and of course pixie dust and good thoughts if you want to fly.

Do not pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. – Bruce Lee; It’s no secret that I have had many things happen in my life, that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies but that has made me a stronger person. There were days that I thought I would never get through, and yet here I am surviving and pushing forward, even when times are difficult. I would never want an easy life because I wouldn’t have learnt the things that I have, but I have certainly found the inner strength to get through those tough moments.

Strength doesn’t come from what you can’t do. It comes from overcoming things you once thought you couldn’t. – Rikki Rogers; There are many things in this life that we thought were impossible. There are many times in my life, that I thought I couldn’t do something. I mean I never thought id be a mother, there were days where I thought I would just want to give up, yet every time that I haven’t given up, I’ve found the strength to continue even though deep down, I didn’t think I would make it through it. Everyone has more strength in them than they realise, it just takes difficult situations for you to realise that you have the power to be stronger than you ever thought.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carlin; My last quote is a question because it really got me thinking. If you try to fail but manage to succeed then although you failed, you succeeded at doing what you thought you couldn’t. But you could also look at it as in, if you’re trying to fail and succeed at failing, then you haven’t failed because you succeeded at doing what you wanted. What do you think?

What are some of your favourite quotes? They don’t have to be from films or songs but could also be things that someone has said that has stuck with you. Let me know by getting in touch, either leaving a comment below, through Facebook, Twitter or even Instagram. Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post, I truly appreciate it. I hope wherever you are in the world, that you’re staying safe and healthy and don’t lose your reason for smiling.