On the third day of Blogmas…

Well I would have given you some lovely gingerbread cookies but that went out of the window. They went in the bin.

We had mixed all the ingredients and just needed to put it in the fridge for half hour ready to cut into shapes for the oven… Kieran went upstairs to the toilet and Luna was creating behind me, I turned around to pick her up, so that she could see. By the time I had turned back, a cat appeared out of nowhere and decided that it quite liked the mix and was eating it. Well that put me off making them today as I was pissed off at the waste, it’s been a bad day. Anything that could go wrong, did. However, I won’t let a bad day deter. The gingerbread cookies will be making their Blogmas Debut at some point of the next week.

However, I’m going to give you my list of films to watch at Christmas! I love every one of these films and I could watch them over and over. Like I said before, I’ve been watching Christmas films since October.

Disclosure: So, I have purposely left out films that I don’t consider to be a Christmas film such as “Die Hard” and “Tim Burton’s the Nightmare Before Christmas”. Now, for many of you, I know you would disagree, but they don’t fit my list! I know they are Christmas films as they are set at Christmas time, but they aren’t what I would consider a Christmas film. I love Tim Burton and I love The Nightmare Before Christmas but, I would say it’s set before Christmas although Christmas is the whole reason, he wants to change holidays and has tonnes of Christmas Spirit. I also haven’t included films like Home Alone (because I haven’t seen them) and A Christmas Carol (I love the traditional story and would never want to include it on a cheesy list. However, a version of it is included because it’s not the traditional).

10. Christmas Magic (2011)

So this film is decent if you ask me. Not one of my favourites but it has romance and Christmas. Its about a woman who’s in a coma and she gets sent to help this guy in order to earn her wings and eternal peace, she must save his restaurant. They fall in love and she helps him, and they fall in love. I mean take a young widowed father and a young pretty business woman, chances are they are going to hit it off…it’s a film.

9. A Christmas Kiss (2011)

Any film that starts with a random kiss in an elevator gets me intrigued. After about ten minutes, I was glued to the television. It’s a romance story with destiny chucked in. It gives me hope that everything does happen for a reason even if they don’t appear clear at the time. She is also a decorator and they grow closer whilst she’s working on his three trees concept.

8. Christmas Cupid (2010)

I absolutely love Ashley Benson and Chad Michael Murray, so this film is always on my must watch. It’s a take on A Christmas Carol in the sense of Ashley Benson in her angel who was her client and is going to teach her to change her ways. It’s a good film and deserves its spot on my list.

7. The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

This is probably my favourite ghostly love story. So, this dude comes alive for 12 days ever year. He stays in the same house, in the same place but he’s a ghost so he can’t leave the perimeter. Basically, they solve his murder and gets to live the life he should have. Honestly, it’s a pretty decent story and one I could watch anytime. To be fair, I think this one is going to be watched tonight.

6. Crown for Christmas (2015)

This is the story of a maid turned nanny. It’s a great little Christmas story in which the main character falls in love with the prince whilst employed to look after his heir. It’s down to earth meets snob with a great outcome. I love seeing people change over the Christmas period and welcome Christmas into their hearts. Plus, I am a sucker for a love story.

5. I’ll Be Home for Christmas (2016)

I watched this for the first-time last week I think and its good! So long lost father comes back to town when his pal dies and it’s all about a family coming together at Christmas. If that wasn’t enough, Giselle Eisenberg is funny and witty. The writers gave her all the best lines. If you haven’t seen it already, I do believe it’s on Netflix.

4. Christmas in Boston (2005)

Long before his ‘Suits’ days, Patrick J. Adams stars in this film alongside Marla Sokoloff as Seth and Gina. Two pen pals who fall in love (Okay so I totally wished I could have a pen pal that I met when I was a kid! That would have been awesome (context people! They may not say it, but they were totally in love)) and have been talking for many years when they realise, they are both going to be in the same town (imagine that right, wouldn’t be much of a love story if they didn’t). They get their mates to catfish them and they fall in love as well and it’s a kafuffle. In the end they come clean and all four are paired up. Brilliant film if you love cheese and I most certainly do!

3. The Santa Clause (1994)

This film has been around for as long as I can remember… granted I was 1 when it came out but that’s totally not the point. I grew up knowing this Santa. It’s a Disney film and yet within the first what, ten minutes, Tim Allen has killed Santa… Okay? He killed Santa. He made Santa fall off a roof and Tim Allen puts on the big red coat which makes him the new Santa because of the “Santa” clause. It’s brilliant! (Sorry, SPOILERS!)

2. Love Actually (2003)

Missing out on the top spot ever so slightly is Love Actually. Oh, My Goodness! I love this film for so many reasons, so I will try to limit them into a few sentences. The cast is impressive! You have people like; the late, great, Alan Rickman who is an icon because of so many roles, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, Martin Freeman, Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Kiera Knightley and so many others. It’s a comedy and its one time that many stories that all come together play out in certain scenes. It’s truly British and worth a hot chocolate over! I know so many people probably hate it, but I love it!

1. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

So of course, my number one Christmas film is the green machine that is “How the Grinch stole Christmas”. Jim Carey made this role! I love Benedict Cumberbatch dearly, but Jim’s Grinch has stolen my heart.

I remember going to see it in the cinema with my sister and my dad when it came out which was incredible as we didn’t get to do that much. So that film has always made me remember where I first saw it. It’s also a film that brought me and Kieran closer.
Way before we got together, we sat in the kitchen and watched it because I had to have someone looking after me due to collapsing and sickness. He looked after me and we bonded over this film.

The story itself is great because I think a lot of us can relate to the Grinch in some way or another. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest watching it. Because it’s amazing. I love it. I love the one liners and the costume. I love the hair of the Who’s! But most of all I love Cindy Lou Who. I think the way she embodies Christmas Spirit and doesn’t let them forget about the Grinch is the reason it’s my all-time favourite Christmas Film!

Can you think of any that I’ve missed? What are your favourite Christmas films? Let me know on Twitter @RariAyliffe Facebook ‘OpenUpWithMe’, Instagram @openupwithme.
Thank you for reading and I hope you know a little bit more about me and where my Christmas Spirit comes from. Although I’m not entirely sure. Merry Blogmas Readers



To my readers❤️

The last time I wrote here, I said I’d do three posts about reflection and yet today I’m sitting here writing an entirely different post. I am sorry for that but don’t think I have forgotten. I just wanted to explain. I wanted to write again today even though right now, if I’m honest, I don’t really feel like writing.

First off, I wanted to say thank you to the 464 views I’ve had from 307 visitors. Each time my blog is read, I am encouraged to want to write more. That’s why I’ve tried to write something every week. The fact that some of you, have read post after post and followed since the beginning touches me. I genuinely feel like I have a voice and it’s being heard (or read as the case may actually be).

I may not be the best writer or well written but I always try. I may have failed my English qualifications but that never stopped me from wanting to write. I always wanted to keep a journal but I lacked commitment. I found it hard to write every day, and I didn’t just want to write “hi”. I found that when I did want to write, I could write for hours. I would write about whatever came to mind. So it didn’t matter how many times I got pulled up on punctuation or spelling, I always tried.

In the last month, I have found myself wanting to write less and less because the truth is, right now I’m not okay. I can paint a smile on my face and pretend for everyone but it won’t change how I feel on the inside. Now, my daughter brings me huge amounts of happiness and she does make me smile. But she can’t be awake 24/7.

On Monday I started my new job, I thought things were looking up for me. I felt confident and on top of the world. I was finally going back to work so that I could provide a decent future for my baby girl and give her a life that she is worthy of. I completed my first day and I felt great, even if all I had eaten was a few bites of a sandwich to take with my tablets. I went to sleep. Tuesday, when I woke up, my body was heavy. I had no energy. I couldn’t move and I didn’t even want to open my eyes. I felt horrendous. Yet I still got up, got dressed and walked the hours walk to work. I doubled my tablets like I was supposed to and was readyish to start back at work the second day. Even though I felt like a sack of shit and could cry because everything felt so heavy on me, I was in work ready to start. My boss saw that I was a completely different person and wanted a chat. We spoke about how although I was able to do the job in question, my body was my enemy. My problem wasn’t with my capabilities, it was that my body couldn’t handle the shift I did yesterday without paying for it. She tried to find some part time work for me to do so that I could come back to said job as soon as my body got used to being at work again. Unfortunately however, all the part time jobs had been taken so I was let go.

The hardest part wasn’t losing it and feeling like a failure because I hadn’t managed to keep it. It was because my body has limitations. I can’t jump feet first into stressful situations. It was that no matter how much mentally I am ready to be back at work, my body is telling me to slow down. Yet, I’m still not giving up. There’s a job out there that my body can handle. It’s just not the one I just had. Go figure. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

I will continue to write and you will get the posts about reflection. It’s just going to be a little later than anticipated. (They are in the drafts, I just want to make sure that they are showing a true reflection of the person I am.)

(Because I cant take a picture without a filter. My first day at work.)

Much love and thank you for reading;


Being a mum❤️

Proud mumma moment🖤

Today, my baby girl took her first step unaided and has now done it twice. Okay, so both times she’s only managed one step but that’s okay. Because that first step is always the hardest.

We’ve been staying at one of my best friends house whilst her mums been away, so that she didn’t lose out on money but having to miss two hours of work everyday as she has a young son who needed to get to school before she could start her shift at the care home. I’ve been helping out with Luna and my partner Kieran so that she could keep as much as routine as possible.

Just so happened that whilst we’ve been here, Luna who will be 9 months on the Saturday (22nd if you’re reading this after the upcoming week.) has been pulling herself up using the sofa and walking along it. She’s been doing that for at least a week now and has pretty much mastered it. So me and Kieran thought that it would be a good time to start teaching her to walk unaided. She would hold onto his index finger and walk, after she had taken a few steps, he’d slowly release his fingers and she’d usually fall to the floor. Well today, whilst my hands were there, ready to catch her, she took her first step.

This was by far one of my greatest moments as her mummy. She made me so proud and I couldn’t help but pick her up and give her a big kiss and a cuddle.

That first step was always going to be the hardest as she hadn’t done it before but she wasn’t scared and when she fell, she used time to pick herself back up and try again. She amazes me each and every day. But I’m telling you now, I can’t wait for the moment she calls mummy and wanders over to me wanting a cuddle. Because I will pick her up and give her one and no doubt I’ll be crying at the same time.

I always wanted a child but having speaking to doctors, I didn’t think I would have one of my own. Here I am, with my miracle baby. So believe me when I say, I’m gonna make sure to document everything. So much so you’ll all get sick of reading about her. 💕


I finally did it!

So for months I have been saying that I want to start a blog to help me make sense of my own mind but also so I can share my experiences with others. If I can help one person, then I know that I have achieved something in this life. 

I want this blog to be the start to free expression. The start to write how I feel and things that affect me without the need to hide what I write. After all, if you have come here to read anything of what I’ve posted, you’ve done it of your own free will. If you then proceed to produce any kind of negativity about real struggles that people go through in their life then that says more about who you are as a person than it does me and I have a tip for you. Up in the corner there is an x, click it and take your negativity elsewhere :*.

So for all of you that stayed, thank you. There are gonna be some things that get posted that will take a lot but the truth is one of my fears is to be open and in order to overcome my fear, I need to face it. I mean I can list so many times where I knew I needed to open up and didn’t because I was scared of how they would take it, how they would feel and what they would say in retaliation. I am very much a people pleaser, I always try to make sure everyone else is okay, even at times when I  know I should be focusing on myself. 

Contrary to popular belief (for those that know me that is) I don’t actually like hurting people. I don’t like saying things that I know will hurt. I have a horrible habit of shutting people out when I feel like I’m going to get hurt, I push people out the door because I am so scared of people walking out on me so I do it before they get the chance. That is how I self destruct. I am hoping by opening up I can limit the amount of damage and destruction I produce. 

On the upside, I will also focus on the things that make me smile and things that motivate me to be a better person. Things that I know I am truly blessed to either have or have experienced and memories that I never want to forget. There are people who I’ve met that have changed my life in ways I don’t even think they realise and others that made me realise how much i undervalue myself.

Everybody has a support network and pushing them away doesn’t help anyone. But to the ones that are still with me… Thank you ❤