Categories
Mental health

Why does everyone say, it will get easier?

You know that moment when your whole world comes crashing down and the person you’re in love with decides the relationship is never going to be worth it? That moment that shatters your heart into a million tiny pieces and nothing seems right. That moment that you just drop to the floor and ball your eyes out. Why is it, that when this happens, all those closest to you, feel the need to say, “don’t worry, it will get easier”…

Don’t you think that I know it will get easier and hearts get broken all the time, but in this moment, that doesn’t help. It doesn’t stop the tears from falling or your heart from aching. It doesn’t stop the memories that pop into your head and stay there until they have broken you down to tears. It doesn’t stop the sheer agony of knowing that all they will ever be is memories with no real chance of a future. It doesn’t magically get better over night. It takes days, weeks even months to truly get over a heartbreak and yes, some days will get easier, but right now, that is the last thing they need to hear.

Losing someone you’re in love with, is one of the hardest and most damaging things that can happen. It takes down every wall that you built to stop yourself getting broken and destroys all hope you had inside of things get better. You can’t just turn off how you feel and stop the pain. You can’t just switch of your tear ducts and stop crying. You can’t just smile and pretend because one of the reasons you had to smile is gone.

I think it’s harder when they decide that they’ve had enough. When they decide they never want to think about or speak to you again. It’s hard to just stop all the memories of times shared at the click of your fingers. But it’s even harder when you lived together. When everywhere you turn, there is some reminder of a presence that no longer is going to be around. But the hardest part about losing the person you’re in love with, is the moment they say they regretted ever being with you. Because that means they regretted every moment spent together and sometimes that’s a lot.

It’s hard to look around and not think about you. It’s hard to not go to message you even though I know everything’s blocked. It’s harder knowing that you’ll never be there again. That I’ll never get to hold you or kiss you because even though you’re out there somewhere, I’m no longer active in your life. It hurts knowing that whenever you think about me, feels you with pain and anger. Knowing that just the mention of my name, is enough to make you want to scream. I’m sorry for that.

There’s a part of me that wants to say I’m sorry and I regret us. Just because i know it’s what you want to hear. But that doesn’t mean I feel it. I feel anger at everyone for telling me to just move on and forget about it. But how do you forget about someone who meant everything to you? I’m not sorry we got together and I’ll never apologise for being with you. Because you have my heart. If you didn’t, this would be so much easier to deal with. If I wasn’t in love with you, I wouldn’t so much as shed a tear. But I am. And that’s not going to disappear in the blink of my tear filled eyes.

I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s over but my heart doesn’t want to admit what my brain already knows. My heart won’t stop beating for you and I just wish it would. Because this hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before. One day I will get over you, I haven’t exactly got much of a choice. But right now, I’m not. I’m hurting. And I’m sorry.

I want to look to the future, but this future is one that doesn’t consist of you. You were my best friend, I could tell you anything and know that you wouldn’t judge me out loud. You know me better than I’ve ever known myself and I felt safer with you than anyone else. I thought I knew that no matter what, we’d have gotten through everything. I just didn’t realise that was the biggest lie I told myself. So I’m being honest, that no matter how much I want to hate you, I can’t. No matter how much I wish I didn’t, I am in love with you, so until those feelings go and you’re not captivating every waking thought, I’m going to focus on myself and Luna.

Thank you for helping me become a better mother and person. Thank you for everything you did for me and every time you picked up the pieces. Thank you for being the guy I loved and the guy who had my heart. Even though I’m gone from your life, I wish you nothing but love and happiness. It’s about time you found your forever. I just wish, it was me.

Categories
Mental health

What happens next?

In my last blog post, I wrote how I was walking away from blogging. Believe me, I had every intention to walk away. I closed down both my Instagram and twitter pages dedicated to my blog because I couldn’t do it anymore. However, I’ve had a few people reach out and ask me to continue.

Thank you! Your words mean a lot to me and I have listened. So, those people got in touch and told me that my blog helped them on days where they felt they couldn’t get out of bed and my blog posts just helped them feel less isolated. When I first started writing, it was a place where I could express how I felt and things that were happening to me. I wrote because I loved it and because I wanted to help others that may have similar feelings to me. I have a habit of shutting people out because I feel like a burden, I have a habit of believing that I’m alone with no support and I know that it’s not true but there are times where I believe it.

It’s so hard to walk away from doing what I love, it’s even harder when I’ve had people getting in touch saying how impacted they were. I am so touched by the amount of support I’ve had, that I realised I wasn’t ready to give up. However, I won’t be blogging as much as I tried. Maybe one day I’ll go back to attempting a blog a day but right now, there is simply too much going on in and out of my head, that I don’t want to commit and running myself into the ground.

That being said, I would like to talk about some things that have been going on in my life recently and explaining where my head is at. Please bare in mind, that a lot of this, is still very much affecting me. And I won’t try and pretend to have all the answers. Because I don’t. I do however want to write and help people that are going through something similar.

Recently, I went through a really heartbreaking and emotionally draining thing. I might write about it at a later date, but right now it’s still very raw. But the truth is, I went through a miscarriage, alone because my boyfriend couldn’t be with me. It was horrible and if I’m honest, although there are many reasons why having a baby right now, isn’t the right move. But it still hurts.

I am so happy for my friends and family that are pregnant and celebrating their milestones for their children. Whether it be announcing their pregnancies, gender reveals or announcing their births. I am so beyond happy for them and want them to embrace every tiny detail to do with their pregnancies and births. Don’t hold back because you think it will be too upsetting for me. I don’t want you to do that. But there are days where I feel guilty for getting upset. I’m not upset because they’re celebrating them but because right now, it’s too raw right now.

If I’m completely honest, right now, I’m a wreck. My mind hurts day after day. My heart aches. My stomach is in knots and I spend most of my evenings upset and crying so much that my eyes are too puffy to do much else. I feel like I’m a failure. In just about everything that I do, I fail. I feel like there are no words to describe how I’m feeling.

It doesn’t help that I’ve found yet another bald patch. Nothing helps when that happens. I know my body is under too much stress and I just wish I knew how to make it stop. But even I can’t do that. I just can’t seem to stop everything getting to me.

I may not write as much as I did. But I will try and write as much as I can. Whether it’s a release of my emotions, or to address issues. Nobody said life would be easy, and some days it feels like it’s impossible to get out of bed. On those days, just remember that even getting out of bed, is an achievement! Stop being so hard on yourself. Everyone has bad days, we just can’t let those bad days control our lives.

Until the next time, where ever you are in the world, make sure your smile is shining brightly. 💕

Categories
Mumma Life!

My one and only…

Anyone who is a parent, knows that when it comes to their child, they come first most of the time. They put their children above nearly everything they do, only occasionally taking time out for themselves. And I’m no exception to that. My daughter is and will always be the most important person in my life. I have done things for her, that I would never have imagined. But if I didn’t, I could honestly say I would have been putting my needs above hers.

Luna is an amazing, funny, sweet, caring and truly delightful little lady who I have the pleasured privilege of calling my daughter. She is truly intelligent, loves music and brightens up my darkest moments just by being herself. She amazes me each and every day, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep, she is perfect and beyond describable with words. Just a few minutes with her, and I can guarantee that your mind would have been changed.

I knew when I gave birth, that I was going to face problems that I wished I didn’t and I’m not going to lie, most of the time I don’t know how to overcome them, but I try my best with my daughters wellbeing at the forefront of my mind. And I remember sitting with her father and talking about many what if scenarios. And one of the things we spoke about was, what if people pretend to want to be in her life only not to bother months later.

My daughter is almost 3. And I can honestly say that so much has changed in the past 3 years, that those who met Luna when she was a baby, would be shocked if they could see her now. That so many people who swore to stand by my baby’s side, have turned their back on her and forgotten she existed.

I swore that I would do anything in my power, to make sure that no one ever hurt my little girl. I swore that she would only have people in her life that wanted the best, that put in the effort and that treated her like she deserved to be treated. I swore that I would put her first and make sure that she is surrounded by those that love and protect her. She is the most important person in my life and I would do anything to make sure that she is happy and loved.

Luna has such a special bond with my sister and her boyfriend, my niece and my baby sister and brother. She has amazing bond with her father and with her pop pops. She loves her babe (Leanne, my best mate) and even my best friend overseas. She is loved by Nicole and by Stevi. And I’m thankful that she has so many people that put so much time and effort into spending time with her, even if its a simple video call to check up on her.

If you phoned her, you’d know that she loves to play with her bubbles, she loves to show off her teddys and do her ABC’s. She would run around showing you her exercises, telling you colours of things and making random food combinations. She would tell you how she’s mummy’s princess and how she loves the moon. She would dance around the room to her favourite songs, play on her keyboard and play hide and seek.

But it doesn’t matter, because to various members of her family, wouldn’t know that. They wouldn’t know because they don’t bother with her. They miss out on her and all her little quirks. Some of her family have never met her, they don’t know that her favourite fruit is strawberries, or her favourite teddy is Skye. They don’t know that she watches Cars and will dance around the soundtrack or that right now, she absolutely loves watching Sing because of the different music in it. They don’t know that she learned to walk later than most girls, but hasn’t stopped running circles around everyone in her life. They haven’t seen the way her face lights up when she see’s animals or how she asks for a goat atleast once a week.

There is only one person I have ever said, will not be welcome in Luna’s life. That’s because when Luna was born, both her father and I gave this woman a chance to prove that she can be a stable person in Luna’s life and she repaid me by trying to get my daughter taken off me on neglect charges… neglect over someone she has never met or even spoke to. Everyone else, I let them have many chances. I let them pretend to care, to send gifts but never actually making an effort. I let them pay for things for her, without them even engaging in her life because I have too, otherwise she’d have very little family.

But it hurts. It hurts that my daughter misses out on seeing or hearing from her family because they simply don’t remember she exists. I can’t remember the last time they actually put effort into her and that upsets me. They’ve missed out on two birthdays so far, and yet I have to keep giving them chances because otherwise I’m seen as a bitch. I love my daughter, and I want her to have the best chance in life, which means biting my tongue when it comes to the lack of effort put in by her family since we moved.

Luna is my world. She is the brightest star in the night sky, and the bluest skies during the day. She has an infectious smile and the biggest cuddles that make you feel better instantly. She is my ray of sunshine and my moon in a pitch black sky. She gave me the best title of all, mum and that’s a title I embrace. I just wish her family could see how important she is. That even at this young age, she’s one of the best things to ever happen to them.

So to my daughter, I love you little lady, and even though there a list of people who can’t be bothered with you, there is a longer more detailed list of people that would support and love you each and every day. The list of those who adore you, will always be longer than the list of people missing out. I can’t force them to be more involved in your life, but I will spend a lifetime making up for their lack of effort. Because you are the best person in my life, the strongest and sassiest little girl that I couldn’t imagine a life without. You changed my life for the better, so in turn, I will make sure I give you the best life I can.

To all those that have family that they haven’t bothered with in a while, pick up the phone and just talk to them. Tell them you’re thinking of them and that they will always have a place in your life because family is one of the strongest bonds you can have. Thank you all for reading my post, it means a lot to have your support, and I promise to try and write more. No matter what you’re doing, if you need a chat or someone to pick you up, I will try my best, just don’t be afraid to get in touch. You can find me on twitter, facebook or Instagram. And remember wherever you are in the world, whatever your feelings are right now, just smile because the world needs to see it.

Categories
Give Thanks!

100 Blog Posts!

Today marks my 100th blog post for OpenUpWithMe and I thought I’d use this post to celebrate.

I’ve come a long way since I started writing back in semi consistently back in 2018. I have covered a range of topics from mental health, being a first time mum as well as my own personal battles and accomplishments. I had the absolute privilege to interview one of my favourite upcoming singer/songwriters as well as creating fun lists that just distract my mind a little. I’ve covered many issues that are prominent in a life filled with BPD and still manage to take time to process it all.

In the last few years, I’ve come a long way emotionally and mentally but still have far to go. I’ve taken small steps and overcome things I thought I wouldn’t. And I’ve lost people I thought I would have had in my life forever.

I gained and lost one of my best friends. And even though that hurt and cut deep, I wont continue to be upset about it. Because even though they are no longer in my life, I am more thankful for them than many others I have lost over the two years. Without them, this blog wouldn’t be what it is today because I wouldn’t have been holding on for the possibility of a brighter future. I owe them so much, and there will always be a space for them in my life because I owe them it. They talked me down from suicide, spent hours on the phone to me, trying to distract me from the negatives and spent hours texting me so that I never felt alone. So thank you!

I’ve had some of highest highs and the lowest lows and it was always my best friends that picked me up and helped me see sense. I am truly lucky to have so many people looking out for me. I am lucky to have so many people to turn to in my lowest times, even if I don’t when I know deep down I should.

In almost two years, I have had some amazing feedback, and created bonds that go beyond just writing. I have been fortunate enough to inspire so many others to write their own journeys, to piece together their own feelings and to put pen to paper and write what they know. I have had countless people write to me, expressing how I’ve helped them and that they are thankful I’m writing because I have found the words to say when they couldn’t. I now have over 115 followers, over 3900 views and more than 2000 visitors. My words have been viewed in countries around the world by people I have never met. My blog wont ever be the biggest or most popular but I have helped more people than I thought I would and that has been my greatest reward. The stats don’t matter unless my words mean something to someone.

When I first started this blog, it was to process my thoughts and feelings and now its turned into something more. I have been planning blog posts, thinking of ideas and trying to make my blog something more. I love writing, its one of the best ways I found of expressing the things that I have trouble saying. Last year, I saved up to pay for my own website and to try and make it even bigger, however I feel like a part of me done it prematurely. And as of August this year, this sites domain will change back to the original one.

Thank you to every single reader. To every person that has been in touch and to every person that has followed me and pushed me to write more, thank you. Thank you to every single person that has sat up with me and been there when I’ve had trouble writing. Thank you to the few people that I love more because they have pushed me and each every day.

As this blog piece comes to an end, my blog however will continue. I will continue to write pieces and find ways to keep pushing on with all this craziness. If anyone wants to get in touch, you can find me on twitter, facebook and Instagram. I’ll answer any time of day because every single person in this world matters. I hope where ever you are in the world, you’re happy and healthy. So until the next time, I hope that no matter what, you never lose your smile.

Categories
Other!

Quarantine; bored yet?

Is it me or does it feel like we’ve been stuck in quarantine for what seems like an eternity? I mean I completely understand why the limits are in place, but that doesn’t exactly mean that this is the most interesting my life has ever been. Its been a week and a half and I already feel like I am going to do something crazy.

There are only so many times you can clean the same four walls before you start making dirt just to clean it up afterwards. I should be embracing being stuck indoors 24/7 but the truth is, I’m just not. The simple things that would be a comfort right now are out the window. I get bored way too easily and feel like I have done everything possible. I really haven’t, I have plenty of books left to read for starters. However, it just feels like there is no end in sight.

I have been thinking about trying out a new skill. I mean I can already cook, but I was thinking about enhancing my baking skill… It’s been a while since I last baked anything, so it will probably turn out to be a disaster, but that’s the whole point about trying to improve on a new skill, right? You won’t get better if you don’t try. So, if I do, I will keep you updated on how badly it goes. I say badly because I don’t believe it’s going to go very well at all!

I have spent a lot of time looking out my balcony window and found that there are way too many people not sticking to the quarantine. On Thursday, there were about 20 people standing around the bus station, waiting to get on a bus and not one of them were 2ft away from the nearest person. They were all huddled in a bunch. I mean WHY would you use a bus. That’s like the quickest way to spread germs because you cannot stick to the 2ft away from people. But hey, what do I know? I’m not medically trained.

The only good thing I’ve found about being stuck in quarantine, is there is a lot more time to work on my blog and publishing posts. I mean it would help if my inspiration responded to the amount of free time I now seem to have. But apparently that isn’t the case. I can’t really see my family or my friends, Luna has more of a social life than I do, considering as she’s spending time here and with her dad still. But me, I’m stuck looking at buildings or buses, or watching tv. I am getting that sick and tired of quarantine, that I got jealous of my sims being able to free roam their world with no worry about getting seriously ill and dying. How sad!

What has everyone else been doing since we’re stuck in quarantine? Is anyone else finding it difficult and totally boring? Have you learned any new skills? Let me know by getting in touch on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. I hope whatever you are doing, you’re keeping safe and healthy during these uncertain times. Take care of yourselves and make sure that you check in on people that are probably feeling lonely right now. And no matter what you do, don’t lose your smile.

Categories
Who am I?

Where I want to be…

Last year, I went through some pretty hard moments. I was living somewhere that was affecting my mental health daily, it was overcrowded and full of animosity. This year, I have my own flat with my little princess and I’m working hard to make sure it’s a loving home for her.

Since we moved into the flat, I’ve seen her come on leaps and bounds. She exceeds all my expectations and proves just how smart she really is. I mean, it’s not like I really have much to compare it too but still. Before we moved here, she didn’t really have to do much, she was a few months away from being two and we were still doing pretty much everything for her. Now, she knows where the bin is, she puts her toys away and helps me tidy up, she’s learning to count but her favourite activity is finding her figures when I’ve asked her for a specific one. She will wake up in the morning and play in her room until half 7 when we go in the living room and watch Sing before she has her breakfast. The best thing we ever did was move out of the house.

I have come a long way too. Okay, so I still have a problem with self-harm when my emotions get too much, but I am learning to talk about them more. I feel more confident in myself most days and don’t always feel down in the dumps. I have come a long way from the person I was last year, but I am still so far from where I want to be. I want to be kicking my mental health’s ass, I want to be eating like a normal person and not worried so much about my weight gain. This year, I want to live for the moment and stay away from the past. It has controlled so much of my life already; I want to move on from it. This year, I want to stop the self-harm that controls me. I want to be able to look my daughter in the face and feel like the strong woman she needs.

I come from a broken home, and I didn’t want that for my daughter. I wanted her to not have to worry about having two homes, having to split her time between two parents, with two parents fighting for her love. I wanted her to be able to have her parents together but that didn’t happen. But I also didn’t want a Christmas baby yet that’s exactly how my life panned out. And I wouldn’t change it for the life of me. I however will make sure that she has two parents that love her and continue to put her first. Yes, she has two homes, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, if she is as loved at one as she is the other. That’s the main thing.

The girl that started last year no longer exists. She was unhappy with nearly every aspect of her life. She had friends but that didn’t help overcome the mental exhaustion she was facing daily. I had people in my life that had slagged my daughter off behind my back but was nice as pie to my face. I had people pretending to care, and those people were some of my close friends. Last year consisted of way too many lies that I believed but also some very high moments.

I finally got on stage and tried stand-up, which I want to do again this year. I managed to work up the courage to leave an unhappy relationship and build a new life for myself. I got closer to some awesome people and those affected my life in ways that I could never repay. I have so much more to be thankful for, but this year is going to be different. I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve. I’m going to find happiness within myself and the life I already live. I’m going to embrace more possibilities and not live my life in fear. I want to live for the moment and build myself up to the girl I used too be. She lives in me somewhere; I just want to find her again.

I thought by now I’d be in my forever job, instead I’m signed off because I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like I have no future, but the truth is, I do. I am trying my hardest to be the mum my little lady deserves and if I always continue to put her first then I’m doing the right thing. She is and will always be my forever job. Who knows, maybe in the future, someone will come and join our little family but for now it’s just me and my little princess and that’s enough for me.

What about you? Where do you see yourself going over this year? How far have you come? Are you on track to where you want to be in your life? Nobody said you had to have your life in order, but sometimes reflection is a good thing. It makes you evaluate your life and change your course of action if need be. I hope that you are all happy and content with the path that your life is taking, if not, just simply change direction. Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post and remember you can always get in touch via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or email. Have a good day and keep smiling.

Categories
Who am I?

50 facts you may or may not know…

Many of you have been following my blog for some time now, however I am starting to notice an increase in not only the different people that are interacting with my blog but also an increase in places around the world that I haven’t quite seen regularly. So, I thought about writing a post telling you 50 facts you may or may not know about me.

  1. I have a love/hate relationship with my biological name. I was bullied a lot because I have the name of a car, but its different and I am yet to meet another one.
  2. I was named after a Ferrari Testarossa because my dad figured it would be as close as he’d come to having one.
  3. I could have been called Stephanie or Witchie… I know what you’re thinking… WHAT THE FUCK!
  4. I was due on Halloween; probably explains why I’m so fucked up! Thankfully I decided to grace the world with my presence three weeks before avoiding this date!
  5. I cannot stand gold jewellery. I think it looks tacky and cheap. That is just my opinion. I have yet to see a gold bracelet and think “that looks expensive”.
  6. My daughter was named after my favourite character from Harry Potter; Luna Lovegood, as well as sharing her middle name with both me and my aunt.
  7. My favourite number is 7!
  8. Jacqueline Wilson was the reason I wanted to be a writer. I love all her books from Double Act, to Girls in Love, to Tracy Beaker.
  9. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder within the last 14 months.
  10. I may be right-handed when it comes to writing, but I do a fair number of things with my left.
  11. Although I do like tea, I’m not a massive tea drinker. Given half a choice, I’d take a hot chocolate hands down.
  12. My favourite character of all time is Tinkerbell and she’s the one I probably relate to the most, with Peter Pan being one of my all-time favourite books.
  13. I have a nine-year-old cat called Magnificent who is a miniature tabby and I miss her terribly. She lives at my mums.
  14. I am a sucker for the Sims collection! I love creating families and stories and absolutely love how you can create generations with families that just don’t die out. Of course, the creative side of building is also a big plus.
  15. The first concert I ever went to was Professor Green in Brixton, however my favourite was seeing Eminem at Wembley and being in the inner circle!
  16. I was selected and attended a film school in London but had to give it up due to seizures.
  17. I can play the clarinet, piano, cornet, horn, trumpet and read music because of my time in church.
  18. I was also a girl guide and brownie in my youth.
  19. Me and my best friend have nicknames for each other that use the same letters. She’s my Lemon and I’m her Melon. Which was a total accident.
  20. Me and my little sister Beaudicea are the only two in our family to have unusual names. Everyone else’s are relatively normal.
  21. All my best friends have disliked me at one stage or another.
  22. I am very opinionated, stubborn and argumentative.
  23. I used to want to be a gymnast but was told I was too big.
  24. I left school with three different qualifications in maths… and I thought maths was universal apparently its more diverse than that.
  25. I was diagnosed with Addison’s Disease and told I would have it for life, only to be told I didn’t have it after 6 years of steroids.
  26. My favourite accent is the Australian one and I couldn’t tell you why.
  27. I will drink Coca-Cola but not Pepsi or Dr. Pepper.
  28. My favourite alcoholic drink is Unicorn Gin and Bubble-gum Fizzy Drink. If you haven’t tried it already, I would strongly recommend it!
  29. I am apparently high maintenance… I’m named after an expensive car… of course I am.
  30. When I’m in a bad mood or feeling like my emotions are getting the better of me, I stick my headphones in and switch the world out.
  31. I have a habit of keeping a wall up to protect myself from others.
  32. I am obsessed with the colour pink!
  33. I have suffered with alopecia since I was 16.
  34. I find it easier to get along with guys because I have more in common with them.
  35. I love wrestling and cricket.
  36. I love to cook and often will try and cook new things.
  37. I tried lobster for the first-time last year and it was delicious.
  38. I cannot stand people touching my feet. It makes me cringe!
  39. I find noisy chewers really irritating!
  40. I’m a lousy girl… I hate shopping, don’t follow fashion and only pamper myself if I think I really have too.  
  41. My favourite period of our history is the Tudor Period. I find it highly interesting.
  42. I am absolutely petrified of clowns, china dolls, masks… basically anything with a face that isn’t human.
  43. I broke my left wrist by falling off a rope swing when I was 11.
  44. My first job was at Dominos and it put me off pizza for so long. I only started eating it again when I went to university.
  45. I still remember all the songs from Barney because I was obsessed as a child. Honestly, if I play Barney to Luna, I always end up singing along.
  46. I am emotionally unstable.
  47. I am way too forgiving. I have forgiven people for hurting me, even at times when I know I shouldn’t. I’m just not forgiving when it comes to my daughter.
  48. I got to see Tom Daley dive at the FINA World Diving Series at the London 2012 Aquatic Centre before the Olympics, and it was brilliant.
  49. I own way too many board games!
  50. I am 26 and I still feel like I have no idea who I am.

Well there we go. 50 facts about me and oh my goodness, was that difficult to write. I am sorry if they aren’t as interesting as you thought they would be. What else would you like to know? Let me know by getting in touch via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or by emailing me… Maybe I can do another one in the future. I hope wherever you are in the world, you are having a good day/night and enjoying yourself and as always, keep smiling.