Anyone can father a child, it takes someone special to be a dad.

One of my biggest fears was that when I had children, their father wouldn’t be around. I didn’t want them to experience not knowing when they would next see them.

I was lucky. I had a pretty awesome childhood, sure there was drama in it but I try not to dwell on the negatives. I mean so much has changed since I was born, that most of the people have changed for the better.

My mum has always been around, she’s always pushed us to follow our dreams, she encourages us to go forward in life and she’s always listened when we were upset. Although she spent most of my childhood as a single mum, I think she did an incredible job. We had everything we needed. We got the life skills we needed to be decent people. She’s an incredible, strong and independent woman who has so much courage and determination that helped her achieve so much.

Now I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. No matter what, I’ve always known that my dad loves and cares about me. He may not have been in the family home but I’ve still got some of the greatest memories with him. Memories that I will cherish until I can’t remember them anymore. Every day forward, I am proud of the father he is to my younger siblings. The way he has improved at parenting, because nobody is perfect. He keeps taking steps forward and words can not describe how happy I am. (Nobody has the right to judge anyone. As long as you learn from your mistakes, they can’t be held against you.)

Then we come to me as a parent. I wanted to be like each of them in their own ways. I wanted to be put my children first. I wanted them to know that I would always be around, that they can come to me about anything, that I would never judge them. The problem was, although I could list of everything I wanted to be as a parent, I couldn’t control how the father would be. Parenting is all about working as a team to bring the child up the best way possible.

Now even though Kieran has only been a dad for nine months, he is by far the greatest dad I know! He knew I was pregnant before I had done a test. So much so he would keep making jokes about it. I think it was his way of telling me that I needed to do a test. I remember telling him and his reply being “told you so” imitating me with the exact face I would have pulled at him. He knows me so well.

Every day during my pregnancy, he was there. He came to every scan. He made sure he was at every check and doctors appointment possible. (Due to having the baby in the south and us studying in the midlands, it meant that he missed a few weeks towards the end. As I was granted Mat Leave and he couldn’t for obvious reasons.) Kieran held my hand, endured my mood swings, rubbed my back, massaged my legs and dealt with every craving. He was impressive. He looked after me better than I ever thought possible and I knew that our daughter was one incredibly lucky girl. Everytime I panicked, he would talk me down and tell me that not only was she a fighter like me, but she’d also be stubborn. That she was going to be okay and that as soon as she was here, I’d be able to see that I’m doing an awesome job. He is brilliant like that.

From the day she was born, he has gone above and beyond what I thought possible. Luna was breastfed, so everytime I woke up for a feed, he would be awake with me so that I wasn’t alone. He stayed with us each time we were admitted back into hospital, even though he couldn’t stand being there. He made sure she was calm and relaxed so I could get some sleep. From the day she was born, he has stayed by our sides every step of the way. Luna is a daddy’s girl, and adores spending time with him. He can make her smile and laugh so easily. She can be having a screaming fit but would always calm down for daddy cuddles.

I never doubted his ability as a dad, but I do think I greatly underestimated it. Because I have seen how protective he got over his sister, how he couldn’t bare the thought of having her in care. The way he is around his other sisters and brother, that no matter how much time goes by, they still act as if they saw each other the weekend before. The bond he has with his siblings considering the things they have gone through is a blessing. Yet, Kieran has been my rock. And because of it, we have one extremely happy little lady.

I am truly thankful for the man and father he is, for taking time when he needs it, for never letting himself get angry, for making her smile, for hearing her little belly laugh, for showing her strength, for loving her. I am thankful because I believe that I found the greatest father to our child, and for loving me as well as he does. I am so proud to say that you’re ours. 💋❤️

Being a mum❤️

Proud mumma moment🖤

Today, my baby girl took her first step unaided and has now done it twice. Okay, so both times she’s only managed one step but that’s okay. Because that first step is always the hardest.

We’ve been staying at one of my best friends house whilst her mums been away, so that she didn’t lose out on money but having to miss two hours of work everyday as she has a young son who needed to get to school before she could start her shift at the care home. I’ve been helping out with Luna and my partner Kieran so that she could keep as much as routine as possible.

Just so happened that whilst we’ve been here, Luna who will be 9 months on the Saturday (22nd if you’re reading this after the upcoming week.) has been pulling herself up using the sofa and walking along it. She’s been doing that for at least a week now and has pretty much mastered it. So me and Kieran thought that it would be a good time to start teaching her to walk unaided. She would hold onto his index finger and walk, after she had taken a few steps, he’d slowly release his fingers and she’d usually fall to the floor. Well today, whilst my hands were there, ready to catch her, she took her first step.

This was by far one of my greatest moments as her mummy. She made me so proud and I couldn’t help but pick her up and give her a big kiss and a cuddle.

That first step was always going to be the hardest as she hadn’t done it before but she wasn’t scared and when she fell, she used time to pick herself back up and try again. She amazes me each and every day. But I’m telling you now, I can’t wait for the moment she calls mummy and wanders over to me wanting a cuddle. Because I will pick her up and give her one and no doubt I’ll be crying at the same time.

I always wanted a child but having speaking to doctors, I didn’t think I would have one of my own. Here I am, with my miracle baby. So believe me when I say, I’m gonna make sure to document everything. So much so you’ll all get sick of reading about her. 💕

Being a mum❤️

The last year!

Has it really been over a year since I last wrote here? Wow that’s really long. Truth is, a lot has happened in the last year that I wouldn’t know where to start. So I thought I’d tell you about one of the most important.

On the 22nd of December 2017, me and my amazing boyfriend brought our daughter into this world safely. She weighed 5lb 5oz and made my world perfect!

As you can imagine, with the Addison’s, there were many complications. I wasn’t allowed to go full term as we wasn’t sure what kind of stress that would have on my body, so she was born at 36&5. She was also breech and they couldn’t turn her due to the stress it would cause to my body so after I lost my mucus plug believe me it’s as disgusting as it sounds, they decided that my beautiful daughter was to be born two days later via c-section as it was too much of a risk to go 37 weeks and deliver naturally.

She was here and our lives changed dramatically. She put perspective into my mind and she is at the forefront of everything I do and plan to do.

The last 8 months haven’t been easy, but my goodness!! Every day with my daughter is the best day ever. We managed through her colic at 2am-6am and yes it was painful. We got through her reflux and pulled her out the other side.

But even through the sleepless nights and the pain that I couldn’t take away, I have gotten to see my baby girl grow in so many ways. Her first word was mum and it makes my heart melt every time. I’m still not used to being called mum or mummy. The way she has grown into her cheeky, bubbly personality. The way she looks up with me so innocently and with so much love in her eyes.

Being a mum is by far the most rewarding role I could ever have. And it means so much more considering I honestly thought I’d never get the chance. There is always a way. 💋❤️