Categories
Update❤️

It’s that time again…

If any of you follow me on my forms of social media, you would have seen that I posted a poll a few days ago regarding an update on my blog. I got about 7 votes with 4 for status update and 3 for a new post. So as I sat there, writing my update for you guys, I realised that the post would have been too long for a status so a blog post it is!

Firstly, I want to thank each and every person that visits my blog. For the last year, I have had an average of 120+ people visiting it each month and that makes me so proud! I cant believe that people all over the world are reading what I have to say. That is just incredible and figured it was about time for a major overhaul!

  • I want to write more. I feel like so many of you take the time to read what I write, even though sometimes, I feel like its just a load of words thrown together, you guys still support me and because of it, I want to give you more content! I have written up a plan with a blog post coming every other day of next month as a trial!
  • I want to increase engagement. Next month, I have a couple of post ideas that would be brilliant with the help of my amazing followers on my social media! Whether its facebook, twitter or insta, I want my readers to be able to engage more and help me create better content that you readers actually want to read!
  • Setting new targets. My original target for my blog was to get 50 followers and I am two away! That is incredible and I am so thankful to every single person that has signed up to read what a 25 year old from a small town in England thinks and feels. I surpassed my target for my facebook page of 50 followers and I am currently sitting at 76. I smashed that target and gained over 20 followers in one day and I am thankful to those that shared my page. You are helping my out more than you know. I wouldn’t be able to write, if I didn’t feel like what I say matters.
  • Interviews! I want to get out and meet more people that have impacted my life and helped me in ways that I can’t explain. I want my readers to see how and why these people continue to inspire me, each and every day! I want to engage with more of my followers and have their say in things that are affecting them.
  • A Podcast. It’s in the early stages, but I am proud to announce that me and my niece will be teaming up on a new venture together. It will be coming out in the new year, with more details to come as we get closer to the dates we have set. We have always been extremely close, not only in age but our bond is greater than just that of an aunt and niece, and we can’t wait to share it with you. If you’re on twitter, get following @ShitsGiggsPod for updates and news relating to it! We are hoping to roll out
  • Design! I have looking at different apps to try and give my blog more of a professional feel to it, with feature photos, better editing, and an attempt at planning my posts with more research.

Over the next few months, I will be rolling out some changes and trying to make my blog more of a personal touch. I am also looking into going private and paying for my own domain which gives me so many more options as well as the chance to start making my blog more of me and not a robot. I want to expand and I hope that all of you amazing people will be with me on the next parts to my journey. I want to thank those that have reached out to me because my blog has helped them personally or helped explain to others what it’s like. I have such a big heart that I love hearing from you guys and you can always message me. Whether its about mental health issues or you need a distraction, you can always reach out to me without fear or judgment.

I want to do my bit to bring a light to issues. I want to help people that aren’t okay right now but I also want to share my journey with you because it helps to know you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out, whether its facebook “openupwithmeblog”, twitter – @Openupwithme or Insta @OpenUpWithMe. What do you think of my blog? What do you think I should work on? What is an issue or topic that is close to your heart? I want to hear from you! As always, thank you for reading and I hope no matter where you are in the world, that you find a reason to smile. Ferrari.💞

 

 

Categories
Health❤️

Facing my fear… take two.

So a fortnight and a day ago, I wrote how I was supposed to be going to the dentist. It never happened. I had a massive panic attack and couldn’t face it. I couldn’t get out the door, I was physically sick and exhausted my body because I couldn’t sleep. I made sure to shut people out and I avoided answering questions about it. However, I made another appointment with the hopes that I could get myself out of the door. That appointment was today.

There weren’t too many people that knew it was today because I didn’t want to make a big deal about not going if I couldn’t. I woke up at about 3 from a bad dream and knew today was going to suck. Luna woke up about 4ish and didn’t go back off to sleep for ages, so my nights sleep was broken which meant I was shattered. It was about 8 when I woke up properly to Luna playing which is so cute and then reality hit. I got triggered because I was scared about something going wrong, I was scared about having a bad reaction or not being able to come home because my blood pressure had dropped and I didn’t want to go.

I was in a state and that lasted most of the morning. I cried so much that my eyes were swollen and I just wanted to sleep and yet I knew I couldn’t. Luna was being funny so I didn’t want to leave her without Kieran so it meant I had to find someone else to come with me. Which caused drama! Finding a replacement chaperone isn’t the easiest thing last minute, but it had to be done. Thankfully, I have a lovely neighbour who agreed to come with me and it was pretty awesome because we had a cool catch up and it had been a while so it was really nice to hang out with him even in the circumstances. I also have an amazing best friend who told me I could do it and every chance they could. And I am beyond thankful for them. I’m pretty blessed!

Before I had left for the dentist, I must have cried about 10 times. Every time I would stop and then 5 minutes later, start crying again because of nerves and fear. Yet, as soon as I left the house, I knew I would do it. I knew I had it in me because I found my strength. And I went. I met up with him on the tube and we chatted the whole time about life and silly things. By the time we got there, we had covered everything from fashion to Netflix and it was pretty interesting. After going up 26 floors and waiting for what felt like an eternity, I was called and I walked to the chair that had kept me awake and yet I didn’t have any work done!!

I sat in the chair under the impression that I was beginning the sedation and thank goodness, I WASN’T!! I had worked myself into such a state over a bit of pink mould and some imprints of my remaining teeth. It was so strange and it was like nail varnish remover was in my mouth. (It wasn’t. It was from the stuff they put on the mould to stop it sticking to the gum shield thing.) I swear, when she was getting the top mould off I thought she was going to take my remaining teeth with her. It was uncomfortable. But that was it.

I sat in the dentists chair and I didn’t cry! I did that! No tears at the dentist for me today! That’s an achievement and I am so proud of myself for doing it. Although I was scared and had worked myself up, I managed to sit there and not get upset. I kept my emotions in check whilst she checked my teeth and took the imprints. I did that and it may have taken years but I know that I am stronger than fear.

I want you to push your boundaries. Face your fears. Because that’s the only way we can grow. Today, I felt a sense of pride in an achievement that two weeks ago, seemed impossible. I want you to embrace life because fear needs you to be scared in order to win. And I know I don’t want to live in fear of the dentists anymore. One visit down, a fair few more to go. But that’s one step closer!!

I hope you are all well and having a great day. Thank you for reading. And I’ll write again soon. Ferrari ❤️

Categories
Being a mum❤️

Bug bears as a first time mum…

When you’re a first time mum, you have so many people around you telling you all sorts of things. Now I don’t know how many would agree with me, but honestly, they drove me up the wall!! I know the kind of parent I want to be and I know the kind of parent I don’t want to be. I don’t need outside opinions about what I should and should not be doing with my daughter. I LOVE Luna, and I’d do absolutely anything for her but I’m going to learn how to be a parent the best way I can, by being her mum. As a first time mum, I’ve heard and been through enough to know which people to listen too. So I thought I’d discuss some of the key ones that jump out.

Just you wait until (enter next milestone here). My daughter is incredible and learns at her own speed. I could not and would not fault her for it. She can say about 6 words and know their meanings as well as walking, crawling, feeding herself with a spoon. She has about 12 teeth in her tiny little mouth (and oh my goodness, they hurt!), and loves music. She started walking for the first time days ago and I couldn’t be prouder because it means that she’s going to be exploring the world right there next to us. People that say, you’ll wish she weren’t walking are wrong. Because yes it means being vigil but as a parent of a toddler, you’re supposed to have eyes on them at all times unless you’re prepared to clean up the mess.

Oh look at her attitude. She’s your double, better watch out. Well done genius. She’s made up of half my dna which means she’s gonna take after me. She’s got an attitude? Yes. 100% got an attitude. But that’s not a problem. She is a sassy little mare and I love her for it. She will start spouting “blagger blagger blagger” and then puts her hand up and walks away. She said what she had to say and clearly she was done with the conversation. She’s one. Why would I punish that? She is growing into her character and she’s exploring. She’s a child and I hope that she continues to be the sassy little princess I’ll raise her to be. The girl can have manners and a bit of attitude.

In my day, we did this… no one can tell you how they used to do it. I mean it’s currently the older generation that’s in charge of the country and look how that’s turning out. Their priorities have always been in the wrong place and I don’t want my daughter growing up the way I did. I don’t want to ever be scared to come home, I never want to know that she can’t tell me when she’s upset and I never want her to feel like she can’t hug me.

If you pick her up every time she cries she’ll become attached. What a crock of shite! I know the difference between my daughters cries. And if my daughter wants a cuddle, guess what, she’s gonna get a bloody cuddle. No one gives a cuddle like she does. I stand by the phrase, you cannot over cuddle a child! Luna isn’t attached. Yes she has her clingy days, but that’s because she’s teething and it must really hurt to have teeth push through your gums. I mean could you imagine that 🤣. She is one of the happiest little girls you could ever meet. She will hug pretty much everyone and doesn’t get shy that often (there are a few exceptions).

Now I could go on but they are the biggest bug bears that I hear all the time at the minute. Luna is by far my greatest achievement. She gets up and dances when she hears a song she likes, she will sit and stare every time she sees Felicia in Shrek. I swear she loves the end credits of the third film more than the film itself. Her smile can lighten a room and make you awe. Luna is my creation. And I honestly can’t express how perfect her laugh is, it’s a joy that everyone should know.

She stole them from me to try them on.

What are some of your bug bears as a parent? Let me know. @OpenUpWithMe on Twitter, Insta and Facebook. Thank you for reading. Ferrari. ❤️

Categories
Blogmas!❤️

On the fifth day of Blogmas…

On the fifth day of Blogmas, I gave you a post at a ‘reasonable’ time. (I started at half 7, I’m feeling optimistic.) Go me! Luna is all tucked up in bed, Christmas songs coming through my headphones and my laptop with my plan for tonight set out and I just can’t find the inspiration to write it. Well, I decided that I would just let my fingers do the typing and my heart do the thinking.

Today, I was talking to one of my friends that I used to see weekly at the pub for karaoke and I was in a good mood. He said that it was like looking at a twin because he forgot what it looked like to see me smiling and it looked healthy. It’s true, I was. This is the one time of year that I forget just how hideous I find my smile and lose myself in the magic. Its amazing how something so simple as wrapping presents can bring someone so much joy.

It may sound silly to you, but I consider wrapping presents to be an art form. I think there are so many ways to wrap presents because not every present comes in a box and presents come in every size. Some are big, and some are small. Some cost a month’s wages and others cost an hour’s wage. It’s incredible. But the joy comes knowing that come Christmas day, I get to share in their excitement. I get to see how happy they get over something that to others may seem trivial. So why is it that we can sit there and accept that people want different presents, but we judge them on the biggest gift of all and that’s the life they choose to live.

I mean I can remember one year, my brother had asked for a film that I couldn’t stand, and thought was absolute rubbish, yet its one of his favourites. Now, I for one am not going to tell him he’s wrong for liking that film because we all have different tastes. I didn’t turn my nose up when he opened it because I know that he loves it and that would have undermined his present. This year, I have five things all from WWE, and I don’t care because I will wear my new clothes with pride. Yet, I have had so many people judge me because I will happily watch two men act a wrestling script and buy into it. I have people judge me for being a mark, but I couldn’t care because I enjoy it. So why is it, we can accept peoples presents, even when we don’t like them, but we can’t accept life choices?

I think that there are many sides to a person, the same way there is many sides to a wrapped present. You can only see what’s on the outside not what’s inside until you take off the layer and see it with your own eyes. People are like that. Some people, me included, can be this confident, strong, determined person but on the inside screaming out for help. On the inside, I am crying, and I can’t stop. I pick every tiny detail of everything I do apart and over analyse everything. I doubt everything I do, and I live in fear that everything is going to go wrong like it has so many times before. I’m not what you see on the outside. I have many layers of me that some don’t ever get to know, and others are lucky enough to experience. I mean don’t get me wrong, I can and have been a horrible person. I am only human, and I made mistakes. But that doesn’t define me. The same as the clothes I wear, don’t define my wealth, and the jobs we do don’t define our place in this world. It just meant that I picked the wrong choice and that’s okay if I learnt from what I did.

Way too many people will judge you. Way too many people in this world will try to undermine and devalue you. Don’t let them. You are better at being you than anyone and you should know that. I for one, know what I am, I know who I am, and as much as I doubt that I’m doing the right thing, I’m trusting my heart to lead me to where I want to go and my head to guide me on the right track getting there. There are times I fail, and I get back up and try again.

Even though I’m scared of failure, even though I’m scared of rejection, I will always try again because even on the days I don’t have confidence in myself, people around me do and they are the ones I should focus on. They are the ones that don’t judge the people we are or the people we want to be. Despite the negatives that are all around you, listen and follow the positives.

You readers are my gift. In August 2017, I started this blog as an outlet and posted one thing. It took a whole year to post another and even though I let you guys down sometimes, you still come back and read. It really touches me. I have been having dark days, and one of you will message me saying how you loved my blog and you can’t wait to read more that I believe that my voice matters. Because even though I write on here, I don’t think anyone’s going to read it. Every time that figure goes up and someone, somewhere is reading what I wrote, I sit in awe. It amazes me that a post I’ve written has reached the other side of this planet. And I want you to know that I truly thank you for all your support. Because on the days that I don’t trust what I’m writing, like today, you guys give me the inspiration for a post.

Appreciate those around you, because during your hardest days and longest nights, they love you regardless. They will stand by you if you stay true to who you are. Appreciate that even though today was hard and some of you may felt like breaking down, it’s over another day that you kicked ass and lived. Just make sure those days mattered.

Her 1st Stocking 😍❤️

Twitter @RariAyliffe Facebook ‘OpenUpWithMe’, Instagram @openupwithme.

And until tomorrow. Thank you for reading my post. Merry Blogmas Readers🎄❄️⛄️❤

Categories
Blogmas!❤️

On the fourth day of blogmas…

Today I want to focus on the key point of Christmas for me.

Today, we sadly lost a family member. I hope that he is finally at peace and no longer in pain. I know he will be missed by all those that loved him dearly. My mum, as soon as I saw her just wanted Luna. She wanted to hold onto her and not let her go.

Family is one of the strongest bonds we have in this life. They are what connects us. You don’t always get to spend time with those you love as much as you’d like so make sure to make the most of what you do. Christmas is a time of giving. So give your family the gift of time. Uninterrupted time. It doesn’t cost a thing!

I’m writing this post with an 11mo running about the place. She’s decided she doesn’t want to sleep. So today is more of a challenge. My challenge to you is to think about your family. Go round and have a cuppa with them and send me your pictures of you with your family and Christmas mugs. Heck throw in your Christmas jumpers. Tomorrow we will be unveiling ours. Let me know on Twitter @RariAyliffe Facebook ‘OpenUpWithMe’, Instagram @openupwithme.

Luna is certainly enjoying her advent Callander chocolate. And until tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you for reading and I hope you know a little bit more about me and where my Christmas Spirit comes from. Although I’m not entirely sure. Merry Blogmas Readers🎄❄️⛄️❤

Categories
Blogmas!❤️

On the first day of Blogmas!

On the first day of Blogmas; I’m giving you an excuse…

Okay, so I wouldn’t be me if something didn’t go wrong at the first chance. I started today off by saying white rabbits like I do every month (it’s supposed to bring good luck) and I had originally planned for us to take Luna to her meet Santa for the first time, however that has had to be rearranged as she has a cold. I don’t particularly want to take her out in the cold so we are gonna keep her wrapped up warm with plenty of snuggles today.

I thought, considering what I had originally had planned failed, I’d bring a bit of Christmas Spirit to this post.

My little brother is allergic to traditional Christmas trees… I know right, what a sucker. Being allergic to Christmas! But because of it, we can’t really have the real or even fake Christmas tree so we got this one.

It was £25 from Wilkos but it’s perfect! It’s different and colourful and once it’s got a bit of tinsel it’ll be festive. And it also means we still have a tree that we can put our presents under, even if it’s a twig light tree.

Although it’s only the first day of Blogmas, I’ve been in the Christmas spirit for months! I just can’t wait to have my first proper Christmas with our daughter. She’s gonna be awake for most of it this year and be able to open presents.

I hope today is the start of Christmas for everyone. I hope you spend time with your families as your decorating the trees, wrapping presents or listening to Christmas songs. Just enjoy the festive spirit because it’ll be gone quicker than we realise. ❤️

Categories
Fun❤️

Who do you relate to?

I’m gonna do something a little different this time. Time to spice it up a little, and what better time than a new season, right?

I want to try and not only be more consistent but also to try and engage my readers a lot more. So first, I am going to start with an easy one. What character (it can be any from the world of literature or within the art of film) do you relate to the most? Why? What about that character resembles you?

For me, it’s Tinker Bell. I have always loved Peter Pan. J.M. Barrie, was a great author and if you ever get a chance, I would recommend reading the whole collection. They are incredible pieces of literature and I think you’d be surprised to know that Wendy was never the first girl to meet Peter Pan. But hey, that’s spoilers. If you want to find out more, read the books. I happen to get the full collection on the books app and thankfully they are with me whenever I want to read them. Also, if you didn’t know, all profit from the stories of Peter Pan go to Great Ormond Street Hospital in London for sick children, with specific disclosure to never release how much they get in royalties.

So as I believe not many of you would have read the full collection of books about Peter Pan and Kensington Gardens , I’ll stick to the more mainstream concepts of little Tinker Bell.

“You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies” – Peter to Wendy in J.M Barrie’s Peter Pan

Tinker Bell is a fairy from pixie hollow. Born via a child’s first laugh. Don’t be charmed by her cute demeanour, she is sassy, feisty, stubborn and forms a dislike for other females. (Okay, so I may not have been concieved via a child’s first laugh but the rest of it seems pretty fitting so far.)

So I thought I’d include a story. It sounds so stupid when I remember it but unfortunately it’s true. When I was 20 years old, I found out my dad was going to have another baby girl and I’m not gonna lie, I was annoyed and angry. I let my anger towards not being my dads only girl get the better of me and I began to resent my baby sister (this was before she was born). Don’t get me wrong, I know it was incredibly childish and immature but I had been my dads only daughter for 20 years, it was hard to give up that title. But, the day I set eyes on my sister for the first time, I fell in love with her, I told her this story and told her that I had changed my views. She was the most important girl and I’d spend my life showing her how special she will always be to me.

The first time I got to hold that little beauty.

Tinker Bell has a habit to fix things. And I do that a lot in my life. I’m always trying to be there for everyone and fix their bad moods, I try fixing broken connections as well as fixing relationships. Granted, I probably broke them in the first place.

She also needs attention or she dies. If you’ve seen the film or the play, you’d know that there gets to a certain part and Tink starts to die. Somebody stopped believing in her and her light began to fade. Yet it took one persons encouragement to bring “faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust” back to everyone’s hearts and she survives.

How true is that about life today? When you think about people you’ve brought down recently, people you’ve stopped believing in? Did you think about how you’ve dimmed their light? Did you think about how it would make them feel? Did questioning who they are change you?

Just because you can’t see something. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or it doesn’t happen. It just means that your eyes aren’t opened wide enough.

I can relate to Tink a lot, because I know there is magic within everything that we do, that no matter my size, I can make a difference. That even though one emotion can consume me, I can always use it in a positive way. We are both very strong female women and both fiery and hot headed. She is magical and not only my favourite Disney character, but probably my favourite character of all time.

If you’re ever in London, make sure to check out Kensington Gardens. Not only are they beautiful but there is also a statue dedicated to Peter Pan, the boy who would never grow up.

So who are you in the world of fiction? Let me know on Twitter @RariAyliffe or comment below. Until the next time you’re here, keep magical. ❤️