Categories
Lifestyle❤️

Lets talk about change…

The same people that called me self-centred, shallow, and superficial are the ones obsessed with reality tv and what their favourite celebrity is doing next, however there are plenty of bigger issues in the world. Issues that get ignored and downgraded. Ones that get tossed aside until the problem has escalated to an extreme that may or may not be reversible.

I tend to avoid the news or news programmes because they just frustrate me. Not only do you have the likes of Piers Morgan sprouting his utter bollocks and claiming to speak on behalf of a nation… that same nation that he sits on his horse and judges, the same nation that he slates and undermines in every opportunity. Now, he can have opinions all he likes, hell i’d embrace his opinions if he actually presented them like a civiliased person and not an emotionless robot. I also watched some show presented by Victoria Derbyshire where she was having a ‘conversation’ with an MP that was going for leadership… It was tragic on both parts and I couldn’t actually believe that these two people were getting paid to have this chat on live air. It was a disaster and I learned nothing except the MP is a douche and couldn’t stand by any statements in typical political fashion and the presenter lost control of her interview which made me cringe.

I got various news websites up to have a look at what the current issues were today and oh my goodness. They are as much of a joke as this country is turning too. I suppose it makes sense that the next PM we have, will be a clown. Over the majority of news websites that I looked at, the biggest headlines were to do with the police being called to Boris Johnsons flat because of an argument and Trump trying to start yet another war. Neither, in my opinion should be headlined news. I am not going to say that I could do a better job, but I’d like to think that in such a confusing time, the news channels would be doing a better job at presenting more reasons to smile than reasons to question reality. Do I honestly care that Boris Johnson had police called to his flat because of an argument with his mrs? No. It doesn’t concern me.

Im concerned about the hundreds of people that sleep on the street with no roof over their heads. I’m concerned about the thousands of people that are living in situations that are truly questionable of their human rights. I’m concerned about the ones that go to bed cramped and scared because life is hard. I care about the thousands of peoples that are suffering with poor health, both physical and mental that are being ignored. I’m concenred about a country that cares more about what the richest 5% are doing than the poorest 20%. I’m concerned about the education system that we trust our most precious people in. The same education system that fails everyone if they don’t fit a certain criteria. I’m concerned about the issues we ignore!

We live in a world where women are criticised for how we look and what we wear, instead of teaching boys and men to respect womens minds. We live in a world where is so much easier to point the finger than accept responsibility and make the changes. We live in a world where no doesn’t mean no, where no just means not yet. We live in a world where you are slightly different, you’re less of a person and that’s not acceptable. It’s not acceptable that we say things like “boys will be boys” or “men should be strong”. It’s not acceptable that we look down on people because they come from a single parent background or on benefits.

As a society, we are not acceptable. But as a society, it’s us who needs to stand up and make the changes. We elect the MPS that sit on the government that runs our country. We raise our issues and we have our voices! Start using them for things that matter. For issues that matter. Stand up for the little people that haven’t quite found their voices. Stand up for those who voices are drowned out by people who think they know better. Stand up for the sick and elderly. Stand up for your families and friends. Every single person on this planet has the capability to make a change. Stop spreading hate, embrace people for who they are but don’t accept that its all they will ever be. Stop focusing on celebrity news and culture and embrace your own. Embrace your lives and make changes to make your lives better. If you have issues with the world, don’t wait for someone else to start the fight, start it yourself and get others involved. As a society, we are failing. Embrace those that dare to be different and stand alongside those that want to speak out. Because otherwise, the voices that were gifted to each and everyone of us, are going to waste.

For a while, I forgot I had a voice. I let so many of my issues go unheard and then I thought, well screw you. I’m important too and what I say matters. I mean sure, I’m one person. But this one person, has 42 followers directly to this blog and over 400 followers on twitter. That’s over 400 sets of ears that could read this and if one person shares it, then the possible audience will just grow because that is the power of social media. That is the power we have as a society, so why don’t we use it?

 

Thank you for reading. I know I’ve been a bit distant recently, but I promise to blog more. After all, my voice needs to be heard one way or another. I hope you all have an amazing weekend. Follow me on Twitter and Insta @OpenUpWithMe and head over to my facebook page by searching ‘openupwithmeblog’. Until the next time, keep smiling. Ferrari. ❤️

Categories
Health❤️

Self-Harm

I want you to know before you read this blog post, that it does contain some very sensitive topics. There is a massive trigger warning coming with this post. But after the month that I have had, I really wanted to write this. Not for attention but for closure.

How selfish must people be to turn around tell someone who has self-harmed how wrong and pathetic it is? How righteous do you feel about yourself knowing, that the second you stared to pick on what they did, you put them in a position to want to do it again? How good did it make you feel, knowing the second you called them an idiot without listening to why? Did it make you feel like you achieved something by picking on someone who clearly needs help and not judgement?

There are people all over this planet that will say that those that self harm, do it for attention. That, cutting themselves is them acting immaturely to the greater world. That, harming themselves is pathetic and cowardly. It’s not. It’s not the right thing to do but it doesn’t make you immature or pathetic. Yes, you need attention, but you need the right attention. Not to the fact that you’ve harmed yourself, more to why you took to causing yourself pain when you “have people around”.

If you were to ask anyone of my friends, they will all sit there and tell you how strong I am, how whenever I am having a bad day, that I just get over it and don’t let it get to me. The truth is, I am that girl! I will always be a fighter and I will always fight for myself, my views and my daughter. I will always be strong for her! But that doesn’t mean that I am always that girl. Especially not now. That girl lives in me, and she is there but right now, she isn’t the person I see when I look into a mirror. I don’t see strength right now, I see weakness. I don’t see determination, I see failure. I see someone look back at me that isn’t the happy, bubbly girl I would be described as. Instead, I’m greeted by eyes that look dead, a swollen face and a broken mind. I’m greeted by someone who has lost over a quarter of her body weight because she doesn’t physically want to eat. I physically force myself to eat to throw it back up within an hour.

Statics regarding self-harm are so rare because very few people own up and get help. There are many different types and not all of them require hospitalisation. Within the last 6 months, I’ve displayed more than one type of self-harm. Yes, I have taken a sharp instrument to my skin in order to cause myself pain. Hell, I bite my nails and still managed to cause myself to bleed when I scratch myself. Yes, I have thrown my fists against a wall in order to cause myself pain. (I’d rather hit a wall and lose a bit of blood than hit the people causing me pain and risk losing my daughter.) But, not once, in all the times I’ve hurt myself was I doing it to end my life, nor was I doing it for attention. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts but there is a one year old that gives me more strength than she will ever know. Sometimes its easy and others, it takes every bit of strength I have, not to lose it yet I still do.

In the last year, I have hurt myself in ways that I shouldn’t have. I’ve caused myself pain and suffering because the pain in my head wasn’t real. Because society, make you feel like your mental health, doesn’t suffer and doesn’t experience pain. They would rather have you believe that those that self-harm are doing it because they want attention. If I wanted attention, the day I sliced my wrist up, I would have come straight into the room where there was at least 7 people who would have given me attention for it. I didn’t. I came in, got a cigarette and smoked it. If I wanted attention, I’d have told everyone that I was doing it. But the truth is, I didn’t know I was going to do it until I hit the floor and couldn’t cope with everything that was going on in my head. I needed that pain, to be real. To know that even though I felt weak, it was because of the pain on my arm and not the fact that I am suffering. I have been saying all year that I’m not okay, I’ve taken steps in order to get it back but there’s a process that takes time. And until that gets started, I’m not going to magically wave a wand and be better. I’ve been screaming out for help and it didn’t work so I hurt myself because I needed too. Not to end my life, not to cause pain and hurt to the people I love, no, I did it because I needed to feel real pain. Pain that was physical. Pain that was visible. Pain that couldn’t be denied.

I did it a week ago and it took three or four days for people to notice. I didn’t hide it because I needed to see it as a reminder that pain is real. But they didn’t ask why or if I was okay. Nope. They just wanted to tell me that I’m an idiot and I was wrong for doing it. Believe it or not, and I know this may come as a shock to some people, but I am aware of the pain I caused on myself. That’s why I did it. I know causing myself an injury doesn’t make me smart or cool, but it helped. Because at that moment, it was real and yes it hurt like a bitch and stung like hell, but it was real. I know it wasn’t smart, but it also wasn’t permanent. I managed to fight off the suicide and settle for pain. I wanted to end it all and I didn’t I chose to just settle for the pain that would come of it. I did it, because at that point, I was alone and weak. I didn’t do it, so you could all feel sorry for me, I did it because nobody listened to me when I said I was in pain, nobody heard me when I said I was struggling. Then when I finally did something to try and relieve some of the pain in my head to something visible, I just get told it’s self-inflicted and that its pathetic.

But do you want to know what’s pathetic? The fact that I have so many “friends and family” around me yet I feel alone and isolated. I have people around me and I can’t open up to them without their criticization or undermining how I feel. I can’t talk to the people I love the most without them taking it personally and attacking me. That’s what’s pathetic. The fact that I suffer in silence because everyone around me would rather point out what’s wrong with how I feel than understanding that things aren’t okay. They would rather pretend that I am a bad person than remember that right now I need support and understanding not victimisation. I don’t need to be told what’s wrong because my head does that more than you possibly could.

Now, this isn’t a bashing. In the last month, I have been going further and further down, in the last month, so many people have played their hand in helping make sure that I stay down, yet I have a few people that work so hard to pick me up every time I fall. I have people that spend hours trying to get me to crack a smile, to laugh even slightly. They are the same people that don’t ask what’s wrong because I wont just come out and say it, they ease me into it and let me open up without pressure. The same people that have sat and watched me cry are the ones that gave me a tissue and held me while I did so.

This isn’t me saying that self-harming is acceptable because in an ideal world, mental health would be regarded as just health and wouldn’t be looked at in such a negative view. People that self-harm aren’t some strange aliens from out of space, they don’t conform to a specific stereotype and come in so many shapes and sizes. Just because someone has scars on their wrist, doesn’t make them a bad person, it means that there was a time where they were alone and isolated and tried to scream out but couldn’t so took the pain out on themselves. They feel that they are a burden and don’t want to put that burden on to anyone else. Those people are the ones that are suffering in silence and would rather take it out on themselves than let people in. Our brains fight against us. They magnify and blur everything, so you don’t see what’s real and what isn’t, it makes it so that you can only focus on the negatives because the positives are spun that way.

What I want from this post, isn’t people to message me saying that they are here if I need them. I want them to go to people that they know are suffering and just aim to make them smile. Because one smile at a low point can change an entire day. I want them to stop looking at people with scars and cuts as aliens and start treating them as people. Stop pointing out how stupid or pathetic you think they are for what they did. But encourage them to keep fighting. To help them when they are low and to make sure that if they are suffering, they have you there just, so they don’t suffer alone. Had anyone been with me when I was alone and weak, I wouldn’t have felt the need to hurt myself. But I was alone. I was physically and emotionally isolated. I was barricaded behind the thoughts that were controlling me. And that wasn’t me.

I am not the person who hides away and cries in a corner. I am not the person who lets pain and suffering define who I am. I will be that person again, it will just take time and patience. But you can believe me when I say, those that have made me feel worse for cutting myself or punching walls, are the ones that won’t be coming into next year. Next year, I don’t want to be the shell of the person I once was, I want to be the person I am. The person I am meant to be. And I will get there. But if you aren’t supporting me, then please don’t say anything. I don’t need to be surrounded by negativity, I do however need to be surrounded by those that love and support me. Those that understand that, even though right now I am in a dark place, I am still me! One day I will be strong and stubborn again, one day I will be determined and courageous, and that one day will happen soon. But, if you played even a slight part in keeping me down, then I wont ever give you that chance again.

Every time you want to cut yourself. Do these four steps. Sometimes they help straight away and other times, they distract your mind long enough for you to get a message or a sign that you’re gonna be okay.

You are not your scars. Your scars don’t define who you are. And your pain does matter. And I know it’s hard. Because I’m still battling to get back to where I was. But I also know that the pain will go and happiness and love will take its place. ❤️

Categories
Lifestyle❤️

It’s not the victims fault. It’s ours for failing them.

I’ve read so many things recently that really got to me. And I’m not sure if it’s because I am a sensitive soul (I know so many people who would disagree with that but hear me out.) in the sense that I really get attached to things easily. Like things hurt my feelings a lot more than they we a “normal” person. And it annoys me.

So we all know about the case in Ireland right? The one where knickers were used as a form of consent. If you haven’t, I suggest giving it a read. I’ll post the link below. Well so many people were taking pictures with their underwear stating how it clearly wasn’t consent. (I will get into that shortly.) Today, I read a story about a guy who wants to claim that BDSM (or whatever else it’s called) is the reason we have rape.

So far, that’s two different stories about why rape happened. As opposed to actually blaming the rapists, members of society want to blame the victims. The people that didn’t agree to being sexually advanced towards, that didn’t agree to be assaulted. Those people that live every day with a fear that it could happen again. You want to blame those people?

What a girl is wearing, is no more consent than the hairstyle she has or the make up she uses. No that isn’t consent. So what she wants to wear skirts or shorts. She might feel really good about her legs, but that’s not an invitation to abuse her trust. So what, she has some cleavage on show, if she has them she should wear what she wants.

I know guys who wear the TIGHTEST skinny jeans I have ever seen in my life, because they make their ass look good. I know guys who buy tops a size too small or a slim fitted top because they spent hours on their body in order to feel good about them selves. But they don’t get blamed for being assaulted because it’s described as “boys instinct”.

In a school uniform, girls are sexualised. You are sent home; if your shirt is too tight, if you’re wearing too much makeup, if your nails are a bright colour all because they are a distraction. Not from you learning but from others. Because boys will not be punished for looking at you instead of doing their work. It’s the girls that suffer because they wanted to brighten up their life with a bit of pink nail varnish, because they wore a bright coloured bra and that’s apparently unacceptable. Not the fact that shirts that are worn by school kids are see through but the girls fault for wearing a colour that would attract attention.

No! That is not acceptable. I got sent home for having a top over my shirt. Because it wasn’t school uniform. But the jumpers they had made me skin crawl as I won’t wear wool, it makes my teeth grind together. So I went with a black top. And got sent home. That’s a joke. Not gonna complain at the time because I got a day off school but it’s a joke.

I know guys and girls who like to enjoy their sex life on the wilder side. Doesn’t mean they want or deserve to be raped because it’s not what they agreed to. That’s done between partners that have agreed and consented. That is completely different to having sex with someone who hasn’t given consent.

Instead, look at the boys that are pinging bra straps after the girl has asked them to stop. Don’t say oh that’s just boys being boys but expect a law suit when you’re older. No. Say it’s wrong. It’s unwanted. And their body is their right. You have no right, nor a reason to violate their body. Instead of looking at the girls saying their underwear was enticing, ask the guys why they clearly didn’t wait for consent. Look at the guys that think the drunker the bird, the easier the bang. Look at the guys who think it’s okay to sexualise things we know are wrong. And look at the people passing it off as boys being boys.

It’s not the guys fault when society as a whole blame the people who need their support. It’s societies. It’s the people that think it’s okay to intrude someone’s personal temple because they decided they wanted them then and there. No. That’s not okay. Being drunk, isn’t an excuse either. Being drunk is not consent.

Do you want to know what consent is? It’s a verbal yes! When you get older, and you get into contracts, you are told that silence is not acceptance. You need verbal or written confirmation. It’s knowing and understanding what you are getting yourself in for.

As a child you are taught that no, means no. And yes means yes. No doesn’t mean yes and silence doesn’t mean yes. So why forget that?

Do you realise how much we put victims through? I say we as the whole of society even though I’d like to think I wasn’t included. Do you realise how much fear can live in someone that’s abused? Do you know how many issues those people then go on to have? How is that fair? How is it fair that as a society, we blame the people that had their trust broken? Who do they look to then? Because society has already shunned them. It’s not their fault. It’s ours. So it’s time we as a society changed that.

Sorry guys. I needed to rant. I said I’d write about things I’m passionate about. So I did. And as promised, the link about the underwear being used as evidence. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46207304. As always, thank you for reading. ❤️