Categories
Update❤️

It’s that time again…

If any of you follow me on my forms of social media, you would have seen that I posted a poll a few days ago regarding an update on my blog. I got about 7 votes with 4 for status update and 3 for a new post. So as I sat there, writing my update for you guys, I realised that the post would have been too long for a status so a blog post it is!

Firstly, I want to thank each and every person that visits my blog. For the last year, I have had an average of 120+ people visiting it each month and that makes me so proud! I cant believe that people all over the world are reading what I have to say. That is just incredible and figured it was about time for a major overhaul!

  • I want to write more. I feel like so many of you take the time to read what I write, even though sometimes, I feel like its just a load of words thrown together, you guys still support me and because of it, I want to give you more content! I have written up a plan with a blog post coming every other day of next month as a trial!
  • I want to increase engagement. Next month, I have a couple of post ideas that would be brilliant with the help of my amazing followers on my social media! Whether its facebook, twitter or insta, I want my readers to be able to engage more and help me create better content that you readers actually want to read!
  • Setting new targets. My original target for my blog was to get 50 followers and I am two away! That is incredible and I am so thankful to every single person that has signed up to read what a 25 year old from a small town in England thinks and feels. I surpassed my target for my facebook page of 50 followers and I am currently sitting at 76. I smashed that target and gained over 20 followers in one day and I am thankful to those that shared my page. You are helping my out more than you know. I wouldn’t be able to write, if I didn’t feel like what I say matters.
  • Interviews! I want to get out and meet more people that have impacted my life and helped me in ways that I can’t explain. I want my readers to see how and why these people continue to inspire me, each and every day! I want to engage with more of my followers and have their say in things that are affecting them.
  • A Podcast. It’s in the early stages, but I am proud to announce that me and my niece will be teaming up on a new venture together. It will be coming out in the new year, with more details to come as we get closer to the dates we have set. We have always been extremely close, not only in age but our bond is greater than just that of an aunt and niece, and we can’t wait to share it with you. If you’re on twitter, get following @ShitsGiggsPod for updates and news relating to it! We are hoping to roll out
  • Design! I have looking at different apps to try and give my blog more of a professional feel to it, with feature photos, better editing, and an attempt at planning my posts with more research.

Over the next few months, I will be rolling out some changes and trying to make my blog more of a personal touch. I am also looking into going private and paying for my own domain which gives me so many more options as well as the chance to start making my blog more of me and not a robot. I want to expand and I hope that all of you amazing people will be with me on the next parts to my journey. I want to thank those that have reached out to me because my blog has helped them personally or helped explain to others what it’s like. I have such a big heart that I love hearing from you guys and you can always message me. Whether its about mental health issues or you need a distraction, you can always reach out to me without fear or judgment.

I want to do my bit to bring a light to issues. I want to help people that aren’t okay right now but I also want to share my journey with you because it helps to know you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out, whether its facebook “openupwithmeblog”, twitter – @Openupwithme or Insta @OpenUpWithMe. What do you think of my blog? What do you think I should work on? What is an issue or topic that is close to your heart? I want to hear from you! As always, thank you for reading and I hope no matter where you are in the world, that you find a reason to smile. Ferrari.💞

 

 

Categories
Lifestyle❤️

Lets talk about change…

The same people that called me self-centred, shallow, and superficial are the ones obsessed with reality tv and what their favourite celebrity is doing next, however there are plenty of bigger issues in the world. Issues that get ignored and downgraded. Ones that get tossed aside until the problem has escalated to an extreme that may or may not be reversible.

I tend to avoid the news or news programmes because they just frustrate me. Not only do you have the likes of Piers Morgan sprouting his utter bollocks and claiming to speak on behalf of a nation… that same nation that he sits on his horse and judges, the same nation that he slates and undermines in every opportunity. Now, he can have opinions all he likes, hell i’d embrace his opinions if he actually presented them like a civiliased person and not an emotionless robot. I also watched some show presented by Victoria Derbyshire where she was having a ‘conversation’ with an MP that was going for leadership… It was tragic on both parts and I couldn’t actually believe that these two people were getting paid to have this chat on live air. It was a disaster and I learned nothing except the MP is a douche and couldn’t stand by any statements in typical political fashion and the presenter lost control of her interview which made me cringe.

I got various news websites up to have a look at what the current issues were today and oh my goodness. They are as much of a joke as this country is turning too. I suppose it makes sense that the next PM we have, will be a clown. Over the majority of news websites that I looked at, the biggest headlines were to do with the police being called to Boris Johnsons flat because of an argument and Trump trying to start yet another war. Neither, in my opinion should be headlined news. I am not going to say that I could do a better job, but I’d like to think that in such a confusing time, the news channels would be doing a better job at presenting more reasons to smile than reasons to question reality. Do I honestly care that Boris Johnson had police called to his flat because of an argument with his mrs? No. It doesn’t concern me.

Im concerned about the hundreds of people that sleep on the street with no roof over their heads. I’m concerned about the thousands of people that are living in situations that are truly questionable of their human rights. I’m concerned about the ones that go to bed cramped and scared because life is hard. I care about the thousands of peoples that are suffering with poor health, both physical and mental that are being ignored. I’m concenred about a country that cares more about what the richest 5% are doing than the poorest 20%. I’m concerned about the education system that we trust our most precious people in. The same education system that fails everyone if they don’t fit a certain criteria. I’m concerned about the issues we ignore!

We live in a world where women are criticised for how we look and what we wear, instead of teaching boys and men to respect womens minds. We live in a world where is so much easier to point the finger than accept responsibility and make the changes. We live in a world where no doesn’t mean no, where no just means not yet. We live in a world where you are slightly different, you’re less of a person and that’s not acceptable. It’s not acceptable that we say things like “boys will be boys” or “men should be strong”. It’s not acceptable that we look down on people because they come from a single parent background or on benefits.

As a society, we are not acceptable. But as a society, it’s us who needs to stand up and make the changes. We elect the MPS that sit on the government that runs our country. We raise our issues and we have our voices! Start using them for things that matter. For issues that matter. Stand up for the little people that haven’t quite found their voices. Stand up for those who voices are drowned out by people who think they know better. Stand up for the sick and elderly. Stand up for your families and friends. Every single person on this planet has the capability to make a change. Stop spreading hate, embrace people for who they are but don’t accept that its all they will ever be. Stop focusing on celebrity news and culture and embrace your own. Embrace your lives and make changes to make your lives better. If you have issues with the world, don’t wait for someone else to start the fight, start it yourself and get others involved. As a society, we are failing. Embrace those that dare to be different and stand alongside those that want to speak out. Because otherwise, the voices that were gifted to each and everyone of us, are going to waste.

For a while, I forgot I had a voice. I let so many of my issues go unheard and then I thought, well screw you. I’m important too and what I say matters. I mean sure, I’m one person. But this one person, has 42 followers directly to this blog and over 400 followers on twitter. That’s over 400 sets of ears that could read this and if one person shares it, then the possible audience will just grow because that is the power of social media. That is the power we have as a society, so why don’t we use it?

 

Thank you for reading. I know I’ve been a bit distant recently, but I promise to blog more. After all, my voice needs to be heard one way or another. I hope you all have an amazing weekend. Follow me on Twitter and Insta @OpenUpWithMe and head over to my facebook page by searching ‘openupwithmeblog’. Until the next time, keep smiling. Ferrari. ❤️

Categories
Health❤️

Eating disorders…

The other day I posted about a few complications that come with having an eating disorder. I spoke about how the cycle is continuous and hard to break. How I feel sick when I don’t eat and then sick when I do. I’ve since eaten and felt worse.

On Sunday, I ate more in a day than I have done for a while. I started off with a quarter of a waffle, (proper pushed the boat out with breakfast), it wasn’t a small waffle, but one that took up the entire big plate. It made me feel overwhelmed and stuffed just from looking at it. However, despite the fact that I don’t eat breakfast, I still managed to eat something because I knew I was travelling today. I tried not too overeat as that would make me feel sick so I stopped when I felt full not that it took that much. Lunchtime I had managed to eat a whole double cheese burger from McDonald’s, something I had failed to do the day before (I only managed half) and a handful of chips. For dinner, I ate most of a roast dinner. However that’s when my body had decided I had eaten too much and I was sick. I felt totally guilty because it was a lovely meal cooked by Katie who is Kieran’s step mum. Within minutes of finishing the meal or at least as much as I could, I was running upstairs to puke and was sick two or three times.

Now, I don’t know how many others with eating disorders do this, but I have found that my body gets overwhelmed by a big plate. My brain tells me that there’s too much food on the plate and I feel like a pig, even if it’s a small portion on a big plate. I also cannot stand knowing or seeing my weight. My brain could read that I weigh less than 8 stone and I’d still think I was overweight. It stems from people calling me fat even though I’ve never been bigger than a size ten (unless I was pregnant. But that doesn’t actually count). They made me feel like I had to watch what I ate and watched the weight I put on. That’s not acceptable.

I also have a huge problem with stepping on scales. I refused to have scales in our home because it scares me. I’m scared that I’m going to step on the scales and it will read out fatty, (not likely to happen but still, my brain likes to overwork) or they would break. I hate knowing how much I weigh because I’m scared that I’d starve myself or overeat to the point of sickness. Now, the sickness isn’t intentional however at one point, it was. My body got so used to throwing up after eating that it would be an almost instant reaction, sort of like today. However, I stepped on a set of scales regardless. I weighed myself without being asked and without even thinking. I guess you could say curiosity got the better of me. And I hated seeing that it was less than 8 stone. Because even though I think that anything over 8 and a half stone is too big and under 8 is unhealthy, I can’t help but feel like it’s a battle I’m losing. Yet, today, I weighed just over 7 stone and that’s not good.

So I’m gonna start a food journal. I’m going to try and encourage my body to eat little and often. And once a month, I’m gonna review my weight and what I’ve eaten. Hopefully, I’ll be able to put some weight on before I start to turn it into muscle. Because this year, I want to be healthy.

Thank you for reading. And I hope you all have a great day. Ferrari ❤️

Categories
Being a mum❤️

Bug bears as a first time mum…

When you’re a first time mum, you have so many people around you telling you all sorts of things. Now I don’t know how many would agree with me, but honestly, they drove me up the wall!! I know the kind of parent I want to be and I know the kind of parent I don’t want to be. I don’t need outside opinions about what I should and should not be doing with my daughter. I LOVE Luna, and I’d do absolutely anything for her but I’m going to learn how to be a parent the best way I can, by being her mum. As a first time mum, I’ve heard and been through enough to know which people to listen too. So I thought I’d discuss some of the key ones that jump out.

Just you wait until (enter next milestone here). My daughter is incredible and learns at her own speed. I could not and would not fault her for it. She can say about 6 words and know their meanings as well as walking, crawling, feeding herself with a spoon. She has about 12 teeth in her tiny little mouth (and oh my goodness, they hurt!), and loves music. She started walking for the first time days ago and I couldn’t be prouder because it means that she’s going to be exploring the world right there next to us. People that say, you’ll wish she weren’t walking are wrong. Because yes it means being vigil but as a parent of a toddler, you’re supposed to have eyes on them at all times unless you’re prepared to clean up the mess.

Oh look at her attitude. She’s your double, better watch out. Well done genius. She’s made up of half my dna which means she’s gonna take after me. She’s got an attitude? Yes. 100% got an attitude. But that’s not a problem. She is a sassy little mare and I love her for it. She will start spouting “blagger blagger blagger” and then puts her hand up and walks away. She said what she had to say and clearly she was done with the conversation. She’s one. Why would I punish that? She is growing into her character and she’s exploring. She’s a child and I hope that she continues to be the sassy little princess I’ll raise her to be. The girl can have manners and a bit of attitude.

In my day, we did this… no one can tell you how they used to do it. I mean it’s currently the older generation that’s in charge of the country and look how that’s turning out. Their priorities have always been in the wrong place and I don’t want my daughter growing up the way I did. I don’t want to ever be scared to come home, I never want to know that she can’t tell me when she’s upset and I never want her to feel like she can’t hug me.

If you pick her up every time she cries she’ll become attached. What a crock of shite! I know the difference between my daughters cries. And if my daughter wants a cuddle, guess what, she’s gonna get a bloody cuddle. No one gives a cuddle like she does. I stand by the phrase, you cannot over cuddle a child! Luna isn’t attached. Yes she has her clingy days, but that’s because she’s teething and it must really hurt to have teeth push through your gums. I mean could you imagine that 🤣. She is one of the happiest little girls you could ever meet. She will hug pretty much everyone and doesn’t get shy that often (there are a few exceptions).

Now I could go on but they are the biggest bug bears that I hear all the time at the minute. Luna is by far my greatest achievement. She gets up and dances when she hears a song she likes, she will sit and stare every time she sees Felicia in Shrek. I swear she loves the end credits of the third film more than the film itself. Her smile can lighten a room and make you awe. Luna is my creation. And I honestly can’t express how perfect her laugh is, it’s a joy that everyone should know.

She stole them from me to try them on.

What are some of your bug bears as a parent? Let me know. @OpenUpWithMe on Twitter, Insta and Facebook. Thank you for reading. Ferrari. ❤️

Categories
Blogmas!❤️

On the first day of Blogmas!

On the first day of Blogmas; I’m giving you an excuse…

Okay, so I wouldn’t be me if something didn’t go wrong at the first chance. I started today off by saying white rabbits like I do every month (it’s supposed to bring good luck) and I had originally planned for us to take Luna to her meet Santa for the first time, however that has had to be rearranged as she has a cold. I don’t particularly want to take her out in the cold so we are gonna keep her wrapped up warm with plenty of snuggles today.

I thought, considering what I had originally had planned failed, I’d bring a bit of Christmas Spirit to this post.

My little brother is allergic to traditional Christmas trees… I know right, what a sucker. Being allergic to Christmas! But because of it, we can’t really have the real or even fake Christmas tree so we got this one.

It was £25 from Wilkos but it’s perfect! It’s different and colourful and once it’s got a bit of tinsel it’ll be festive. And it also means we still have a tree that we can put our presents under, even if it’s a twig light tree.

Although it’s only the first day of Blogmas, I’ve been in the Christmas spirit for months! I just can’t wait to have my first proper Christmas with our daughter. She’s gonna be awake for most of it this year and be able to open presents.

I hope today is the start of Christmas for everyone. I hope you spend time with your families as your decorating the trees, wrapping presents or listening to Christmas songs. Just enjoy the festive spirit because it’ll be gone quicker than we realise. ❤️

Categories
Health❤️

To my readers❤️

The last time I wrote here, I said I’d do three posts about reflection and yet today I’m sitting here writing an entirely different post. I am sorry for that but don’t think I have forgotten. I just wanted to explain. I wanted to write again today even though right now, if I’m honest, I don’t really feel like writing.

First off, I wanted to say thank you to the 464 views I’ve had from 307 visitors. Each time my blog is read, I am encouraged to want to write more. That’s why I’ve tried to write something every week. The fact that some of you, have read post after post and followed since the beginning touches me. I genuinely feel like I have a voice and it’s being heard (or read as the case may actually be).

I may not be the best writer or well written but I always try. I may have failed my English qualifications but that never stopped me from wanting to write. I always wanted to keep a journal but I lacked commitment. I found it hard to write every day, and I didn’t just want to write “hi”. I found that when I did want to write, I could write for hours. I would write about whatever came to mind. So it didn’t matter how many times I got pulled up on punctuation or spelling, I always tried.

In the last month, I have found myself wanting to write less and less because the truth is, right now I’m not okay. I can paint a smile on my face and pretend for everyone but it won’t change how I feel on the inside. Now, my daughter brings me huge amounts of happiness and she does make me smile. But she can’t be awake 24/7.

On Monday I started my new job, I thought things were looking up for me. I felt confident and on top of the world. I was finally going back to work so that I could provide a decent future for my baby girl and give her a life that she is worthy of. I completed my first day and I felt great, even if all I had eaten was a few bites of a sandwich to take with my tablets. I went to sleep. Tuesday, when I woke up, my body was heavy. I had no energy. I couldn’t move and I didn’t even want to open my eyes. I felt horrendous. Yet I still got up, got dressed and walked the hours walk to work. I doubled my tablets like I was supposed to and was readyish to start back at work the second day. Even though I felt like a sack of shit and could cry because everything felt so heavy on me, I was in work ready to start. My boss saw that I was a completely different person and wanted a chat. We spoke about how although I was able to do the job in question, my body was my enemy. My problem wasn’t with my capabilities, it was that my body couldn’t handle the shift I did yesterday without paying for it. She tried to find some part time work for me to do so that I could come back to said job as soon as my body got used to being at work again. Unfortunately however, all the part time jobs had been taken so I was let go.

The hardest part wasn’t losing it and feeling like a failure because I hadn’t managed to keep it. It was because my body has limitations. I can’t jump feet first into stressful situations. It was that no matter how much mentally I am ready to be back at work, my body is telling me to slow down. Yet, I’m still not giving up. There’s a job out there that my body can handle. It’s just not the one I just had. Go figure. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

I will continue to write and you will get the posts about reflection. It’s just going to be a little later than anticipated. (They are in the drafts, I just want to make sure that they are showing a true reflection of the person I am.)

(Because I cant take a picture without a filter. My first day at work.)

Much love and thank you for reading;

@RariAyliffe

Categories
Uncategorized

I finally did it!

So for months I have been saying that I want to start a blog to help me make sense of my own mind but also so I can share my experiences with others. If I can help one person, then I know that I have achieved something in this life. 

I want this blog to be the start to free expression. The start to write how I feel and things that affect me without the need to hide what I write. After all, if you have come here to read anything of what I’ve posted, you’ve done it of your own free will. If you then proceed to produce any kind of negativity about real struggles that people go through in their life then that says more about who you are as a person than it does me and I have a tip for you. Up in the corner there is an x, click it and take your negativity elsewhere :*.

So for all of you that stayed, thank you. There are gonna be some things that get posted that will take a lot but the truth is one of my fears is to be open and in order to overcome my fear, I need to face it. I mean I can list so many times where I knew I needed to open up and didn’t because I was scared of how they would take it, how they would feel and what they would say in retaliation. I am very much a people pleaser, I always try to make sure everyone else is okay, even at times when I  know I should be focusing on myself. 

Contrary to popular belief (for those that know me that is) I don’t actually like hurting people. I don’t like saying things that I know will hurt. I have a horrible habit of shutting people out when I feel like I’m going to get hurt, I push people out the door because I am so scared of people walking out on me so I do it before they get the chance. That is how I self destruct. I am hoping by opening up I can limit the amount of damage and destruction I produce. 

On the upside, I will also focus on the things that make me smile and things that motivate me to be a better person. Things that I know I am truly blessed to either have or have experienced and memories that I never want to forget. There are people who I’ve met that have changed my life in ways I don’t even think they realise and others that made me realise how much i undervalue myself.

Everybody has a support network and pushing them away doesn’t help anyone. But to the ones that are still with me… Thank you ❤