Facing my fear… take two.

So a fortnight and a day ago, I wrote how I was supposed to be going to the dentist. It never happened. I had a massive panic attack and couldn’t face it. I couldn’t get out the door, I was physically sick and exhausted my body because I couldn’t sleep. I made sure to shut people out and I avoided answering questions about it. However, I made another appointment with the hopes that I could get myself out of the door. That appointment was today.

There weren’t too many people that knew it was today because I didn’t want to make a big deal about not going if I couldn’t. I woke up at about 3 from a bad dream and knew today was going to suck. Luna woke up about 4ish and didn’t go back off to sleep for ages, so my nights sleep was broken which meant I was shattered. It was about 8 when I woke up properly to Luna playing which is so cute and then reality hit. I got triggered because I was scared about something going wrong, I was scared about having a bad reaction or not being able to come home because my blood pressure had dropped and I didn’t want to go.

I was in a state and that lasted most of the morning. I cried so much that my eyes were swollen and I just wanted to sleep and yet I knew I couldn’t. Luna was being funny so I didn’t want to leave her without Kieran so it meant I had to find someone else to come with me. Which caused drama! Finding a replacement chaperone isn’t the easiest thing last minute, but it had to be done. Thankfully, I have a lovely neighbour who agreed to come with me and it was pretty awesome because we had a cool catch up and it had been a while so it was really nice to hang out with him even in the circumstances. I also have an amazing best friend who told me I could do it and every chance they could. And I am beyond thankful for them. I’m pretty blessed!

Before I had left for the dentist, I must have cried about 10 times. Every time I would stop and then 5 minutes later, start crying again because of nerves and fear. Yet, as soon as I left the house, I knew I would do it. I knew I had it in me because I found my strength. And I went. I met up with him on the tube and we chatted the whole time about life and silly things. By the time we got there, we had covered everything from fashion to Netflix and it was pretty interesting. After going up 26 floors and waiting for what felt like an eternity, I was called and I walked to the chair that had kept me awake and yet I didn’t have any work done!!

I sat in the chair under the impression that I was beginning the sedation and thank goodness, I WASN’T!! I had worked myself into such a state over a bit of pink mould and some imprints of my remaining teeth. It was so strange and it was like nail varnish remover was in my mouth. (It wasn’t. It was from the stuff they put on the mould to stop it sticking to the gum shield thing.) I swear, when she was getting the top mould off I thought she was going to take my remaining teeth with her. It was uncomfortable. But that was it.

I sat in the dentists chair and I didn’t cry! I did that! No tears at the dentist for me today! That’s an achievement and I am so proud of myself for doing it. Although I was scared and had worked myself up, I managed to sit there and not get upset. I kept my emotions in check whilst she checked my teeth and took the imprints. I did that and it may have taken years but I know that I am stronger than fear.

I want you to push your boundaries. Face your fears. Because that’s the only way we can grow. Today, I felt a sense of pride in an achievement that two weeks ago, seemed impossible. I want you to embrace life because fear needs you to be scared in order to win. And I know I don’t want to live in fear of the dentists anymore. One visit down, a fair few more to go. But that’s one step closer!!

I hope you are all well and having a great day. Thank you for reading. And I’ll write again soon. Ferrari ❤️

Positive Thought #4

I didn’t miss #3, it’s on Instagram @openupwithme and on Facebook @openupwithmeblog.

Being brave isn’t the absence of fear. Being brave is having that fear but finding a way through it. – Bear Grylls

Today could be a bad day. I’m tucked up in bed shivering with a headache and pains all down my side from coughing so much. I feel so drained and defeated. But I refuse to let that keep me down. I mean normally I’d hate the fact that I’m cooped up in bed whilst the day passes me by, but I know my Addisons and if I don’t take this time for myself, I’ll end up even worse.

Even though I hate the idea of being tucked up under a cover, I’m gonna make the most of my bed rest and read another one of the books I got for Christmas. I’m going to get lost in the pages and focus on something else. I get to forget all about what’s going on in my life and lose myself in the characters in whatever story takes my fancy.

But before I started to lose myself in my book whilst Luna went for her nap, I faced two things. Despite how rough I felt, I still managed to get the courage to face some fears of mine.

1. The dentist. I know so many people that are afraid of the dentist and all of them are much braver than I am. When I was younger, I would go to dentist and have no worries and no fear. I would sit in that chair and knew that my teeth were perfect. That was until I was about 8 or 9. I had to have my first filling and the dentist was an asshole. My mum was an asshole. That day, I had a nurse and my mum physically restraining me whilst this dentist waved around a needle to numb my gums. I was fine with having a filling but the second I saw the needle I freaked! I was panicking and hyperventilating to the point I couldn’t have it done. My mum called me so many names, told me I was a baby and needed to stop being pathetic. And every time I got in the chair after that, people were on call so I could be retrained whilst the dentist checked my teeth. When I developed my eating disorder, my teeth got terrible. The stomach acid I was bringing up, was rotting my teeth and I refused to go to the dentist. I couldn’t quite manage it. I was 21 before I managed to get the courage to have my teeth fixed. I was going once a month to be sedated and having them fixed slowly but it was great. It took me a few visits to get in the chair but the lady at Guys Hospital was incredible! She wouldn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with, she spoke to me, she let me listen to my music and would always make sure I had a sugary drink next to me in case my blood pressure dropped. See, Addisons can cause complications, and when having any sort of stress, we are made to double our tablets to ensure that our body can cope. Throw in a phobia of needles and dentists and I turn into a wreck. But, being at guys, there is an endocrinologist in the same building and only once have they needed to get him to make sure I was okay. Today however, I’ve managed to sort out my referral and will again being having my teeth fixed by Guys Hospital.

The second being getting the courage to book a cervical cancer smear. After I had given birth to Luna, I had to be examined because of the c-section and the pains that were appearing, and found out there was a legion on my cervix. I went to that appointment alone and scared. I dreaded going and got myself into a right mess. Thankfully, it was just due to the pregnancy rather than anything more sinister. But after having it happen to my mum and her having the lump removed by a laser, I’ve been paranoid ever since. I’ve made the appointment twice before and chickened out both times. So today, I made the appointment and come next week, I will be making sure that I’m okay.

So sure, I’m actually quite sick. I’ve spent most of the day either asleep or with the blanket over my head because it was pounding that much. The pain is so intense that it’s taken me all day to write this post. But I did it! I managed to keep the sickness and pain at bay long enough to press send. But that’s not what I’m proud of. Today, I’m proud that even though I may have my fears, I will not live my life hiding from them anymore. ❤️

Positive Thought #2

Every cloud has a silver lining. You just have to look for it.

A little under a month ago, I attended an assessment of my mental health at my local hospital. I was referred there after being told there was a strong possibility I had BPD and it would be the only way I would know for sure. I attended said appointment and it was awful. I’m not going to sugarcoat. I was a wreck and I felt like I left in a worse state than when I went in. He said another appointment would be in the post but I’m still under assessment.

Fast forward to today and I received two letters from the hospital. The first stating that I had my next assessment appointment come through and the second was my care plan. Because I’m still under assessment as “I have a long history” (their words not mine. Talk about make me feel like I’m loosing my marbles. What they meant to say was, it’s not easy because for a 25 year old female, I’ve had to deal with a fair amount of crap) and we had time constraints. The second point being that I need to see a psychotherapist because he doesn’t believe counselling will help, because he believes I need something more long term.

Normally, this would send me into an anger I can’t get back from. However, I am trying to see the positives. I mean sure, I have a letter confirming I do need help but it’s more than I had last week. I mean sure come the 17th, I’m going to want to cry my eyes out but maybe, just maybe it will help. Maybe, if I actually just stop worrying that I won’t be okay and believe I might be, it won’t be looming around like a bad smell.

I’m one step closer to being able to get my head back to thinking straight. I mean I know it’s not going to happen overnight but the steps are there. And I want you guys to know that you can do it too. Your mental health is important and you are the only person that can make it better. But you have to speak up.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to want to talk when every fibre inside you is telling you not too. I know that most days you don’t even want to get out of bed. That doing normal things like brushing your hair, getting dressed and taking a shower become some of the most difficult. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed. There were days I wouldn’t shower or get dressed. There were days I was a disgusting slob and I didn’t care. But not this year!

Yesterday, I refused to let myself stay down and sure I was tired and drained from the night before but I managed to get myself out of bed and to socialise with people. I managed to sit and play with daughter without needing anyone else there because I finally felt I could. I know there are days where I haven’t given Kieran the credit he deserves because my goodness he puts up with a lot. And it’s about time I started to dip my toes.

He has been both parents most of the time. He looks after our daughter every day. I have tried. My goodness I try but I know I could do more. I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible but I haven’t been anywhere near as good as a mum as I can. I can’t remember the last time I changed my daughters nappy, put her to bed or even gave her a bath. I can’t remember the last time I read her a story or got her dressed. Kieran does all those things and so much more. To begin with, I breastfed her, I got her dressed and I would bathe her, all with him but i knew he could leave me alone and I would still be fit to look after her. Not so much at the moment.

Now I can tell you that even though I have been at my weakest, I have still cuddled her every time she cried, I have still sung to her at times when she wouldn’t relax and I have sat and listened to music with her dancing. But that’s not enough. And she deserves so much more. But I have tried. Today however, we sat and sang songs and played for an hour this morning. We had time together that I missed so much! And because of her, I knew I was gonna be strong today. Because she needed me to be. So I got up, I got dressed and did my make up and went into town by myself. I may have had a massive panic attack in town and not stay there for very long but I did it and nobody can take that away. I may not have got everything I would have liked done, but I did get what I needed done. And today, even a little bit off a long list is okay.

It’s day two and today, even a little was enough because that’s still more than I did yesterday. So remember, It’s okay that you didn’t get everything you would have wanted done, because you got something done and even if that’s just getting out of bed. That’s worth be proud of. Don’t let your mind dictate what can and can’t be a good day. Let the bad things pass and focus on the things you did today! Because what ifs and could haves aren’t as important as the things you’ve accomplished when you felt like you couldn’t do anything.

I love you guys and thanks for reading. ❤️

Positive thought #1

To live would be an awfully big adventure. – Peter Pan

I said I wanted to post one positive thought a day in order to encourage myself to think more positively about life. It may not just be on my blog, but it will be on Twitter and the page dedicated to the blog on insta and Facebook. And today, I wanted my positive thought to be about appreciation.

Most people around the world would have celebrated New Years by now, which means it’s the start of 2019. A lot of people, myself included would have gotten drunk and celebrated the new year whilst others probably slept. But it’s still the start of a whole year.

This year can have endless possibilities. This year starts off blank and we get to fill in each day like it’s a page. And we have the choices on what we put in there and what we don’t. So let’s make this the best year yet.

I want to thank so many of you that have stood by my side throughout last year. I want to thank those that messaged me words of encouragement when I need it the most. I want to thank those that helped pick me up each and every day without once complaining. I know I can be a handful and those that are still here help me see that I’m still worth it.

Every single person that has read any of my blog posts from last year. Thank you. Thank you for taking time out to read the words I write and the emotions I displayed. Thank you to those that have shared my blog with others. It means a lot. I’m thankful that you guys help me write. Whether it’s my blog or my novel, I gain inspiration most days from you guys. And I thank you.

I’m thankful that I get to have the most beautiful daughter I could ever imagined. She’s truly perfect and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I’m thankful to the people who love me more than I love myself at the moment. Because that love is what truly says more than I ever could. I’m thankful that I have the most caring, loving, devoted father in Kieran because he would move heaven and earth if he could for that little girl. And that’s all I ever wanted for her.

Im thankful that I’m still fighting. My Addisons hasn’t and won’t beat me, my mental health hasn’t and won’t beat me. People haven’t and won’t beat me. I will not become a shadow of who I am to please what people want me to be. I’m thankful for who I am because I am one hell of a kick ass woman and I will not be defeated!

Thank you to everyone who helped me in 2018 and may this year be so much better for you. ❤️

To my readers❤️

The last time I wrote here, I said I’d do three posts about reflection and yet today I’m sitting here writing an entirely different post. I am sorry for that but don’t think I have forgotten. I just wanted to explain. I wanted to write again today even though right now, if I’m honest, I don’t really feel like writing.

First off, I wanted to say thank you to the 464 views I’ve had from 307 visitors. Each time my blog is read, I am encouraged to want to write more. That’s why I’ve tried to write something every week. The fact that some of you, have read post after post and followed since the beginning touches me. I genuinely feel like I have a voice and it’s being heard (or read as the case may actually be).

I may not be the best writer or well written but I always try. I may have failed my English qualifications but that never stopped me from wanting to write. I always wanted to keep a journal but I lacked commitment. I found it hard to write every day, and I didn’t just want to write “hi”. I found that when I did want to write, I could write for hours. I would write about whatever came to mind. So it didn’t matter how many times I got pulled up on punctuation or spelling, I always tried.

In the last month, I have found myself wanting to write less and less because the truth is, right now I’m not okay. I can paint a smile on my face and pretend for everyone but it won’t change how I feel on the inside. Now, my daughter brings me huge amounts of happiness and she does make me smile. But she can’t be awake 24/7.

On Monday I started my new job, I thought things were looking up for me. I felt confident and on top of the world. I was finally going back to work so that I could provide a decent future for my baby girl and give her a life that she is worthy of. I completed my first day and I felt great, even if all I had eaten was a few bites of a sandwich to take with my tablets. I went to sleep. Tuesday, when I woke up, my body was heavy. I had no energy. I couldn’t move and I didn’t even want to open my eyes. I felt horrendous. Yet I still got up, got dressed and walked the hours walk to work. I doubled my tablets like I was supposed to and was readyish to start back at work the second day. Even though I felt like a sack of shit and could cry because everything felt so heavy on me, I was in work ready to start. My boss saw that I was a completely different person and wanted a chat. We spoke about how although I was able to do the job in question, my body was my enemy. My problem wasn’t with my capabilities, it was that my body couldn’t handle the shift I did yesterday without paying for it. She tried to find some part time work for me to do so that I could come back to said job as soon as my body got used to being at work again. Unfortunately however, all the part time jobs had been taken so I was let go.

The hardest part wasn’t losing it and feeling like a failure because I hadn’t managed to keep it. It was because my body has limitations. I can’t jump feet first into stressful situations. It was that no matter how much mentally I am ready to be back at work, my body is telling me to slow down. Yet, I’m still not giving up. There’s a job out there that my body can handle. It’s just not the one I just had. Go figure. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

I will continue to write and you will get the posts about reflection. It’s just going to be a little later than anticipated. (They are in the drafts, I just want to make sure that they are showing a true reflection of the person I am.)

(Because I cant take a picture without a filter. My first day at work.)

Much love and thank you for reading;

@RariAyliffe

Sorry it’s late 😘

So this is a quick update post. I am so incredibly sorry that it’s taken a bit longer to write this week. I would love to say it’s because so much has gone on but that would be a lie.

As you know, I have Addison’s disease which means when I get sick, I get very sick. I’ve spent the last week recovering from an infection and have been sleeping way more than usual. I’ll try to post more in future but I’ll definitely be keeping the weekly theme. And if I get more inspiration during that week to write more, then I will share it with you.

I also have to get back to writing my novel. I failed at my first checkpoint which means I’ve gotta write twice as much this month. But more on that as it comes.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It truly means a lot. To think that my blog has hit the 300 views milestone, truly is an achievement. Thank you to everyone who has contributed. ❤️

Addisons Disease and me.

Chances are if you’re reading this, you already know who I am. I’m a 23 year old law student at Staffordshire university. You’d know that I’m opinionated, stubborn, hard working and determined. On the other hand I can be, overwhelming, emotional, stressed and a down right pain in the ass. Everyone has those traits but hey, I own my faults as well as my strengths.

For as long as I can remember I have suffered with poor health starting with being diagnosed with Meningitis at the age of 6 months old. If that wasn’t scary enough for my family, it was the worst form of meningitis you could get, it was the killer that is meningococcal septicaemia. For about 5 days it was touch and go on whether I would pull through and survive such a deadly infection but I did or I wouldn’t be here typing this. From the age of 6 months old I fought to be here. I was the only child that went into hospital seriously ill and managed to gain weight being connected to a drip. I guess my body wasn’t prepared to give up. At the time, my family believed the only real complication to come out of it was that I suffered hearing loss in my ears to which still hasn’t fully recovered. Oh how wrong they were. As it turned out, my immune system took a massive hit that would show itself later on in my life. I would love to say this was the closest I had come to having a body shut down but it wasn’t.

At the age of six, I remember becoming very run down, high fever, sore throats and extremely tired. I was coming home from school and sleeping until dinner, eating very little then going back to sleep until school the following day. After a few days my mum took me to the doctors because it wasn’t normal and I was told that I had glandular fever and had to take some time off school. For me, this was hard because as a child I loved being at school with my friends. After three weeks, I was finally allowed back at school but only for half days because I was still very tired and run down. This continued for about two weeks before I was allowed to return on a normal basis.

Throughout my following years at primary school, I would always catch the flu which would result in streaming eyes and nose preventing me from being able to see and breathe properly meaning I would have more time off school and not be able to attend as much as possible. Like most people with a poor immune system, I would catch everything. I’ve had way too many water infections, chest infections and kidney infections in my life to know the signs before they become a problem. Because of this, I have quite a close connection with my doctors.

During my teenage years, I was in and out of hospital with water and kidney infections yet they couldn’t work out why they were always recurring. I’ve had way too many scans on my kidneys that always came back the same… there wasn’t a problem despite the symptoms saying otherwise. I have had suspected appendicitis three times. After the third time of being told I had it, despite my appendix being fine was the time the doctors and surgeons finally decided to remove it, and this was at 20 years old.

From the age of about 13, I would suffer with really bad mood swings, irritability, horrendous pains in my kidneys and I would lash out because I couldn’t control the pain so everybody had to know about it. One minute I could be nice as pie and the next I would be down right awful to be around. Everybody knew it and yet I couldn’t control my pain or my emotions because I was being told everything was in my head and I honestly felt like I was going crazy. I knew the pain was real but everything the doctors had tried, just wasn’t working so they had no choice but to say that it couldn’t be real.

At around 17, one morning, I hadn’t eaten properly and got up to make myself something to eat and I blacked out and collapsed. This was the first time of what would be many that I lost control and dropped to the floor. I hit my head which caused me to have a fit. At this point I was rushed to hospital where I had undergone a MRI scan to see what caused it and again they couldn’t figure it out. Two years of tests and scans and EEGs later, I was discharged from the epilepsy clinic and was given the all clear. Still with no real answer on why I had fitted which was really hard on me emotionally because again I felt like I was just going crazy.

One night in 2013, when I was 19, I had been at my mums celebrating my sisters birthday with family so of course there was a little bit of drinking involved, and before you start to assume, I wasn’t drunk as I knew I still had a 45 minute walk to get home. When it had come time for me and my dad to leave, I stood up and got a feeling I have had so many times before. My head had become dizzy and I started to feel unsteady on my feet. We waited about ten minutes before we set off so I could feel better. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case. Me and my dad had got probably two minutes from my mums house when I looked at him and said that I didn’t feel right. Now, my dad thought I was being my usual drama queen self and told me that I would have to ring my mum and tell her I was coming back because he wasn’t going to do it. Before I had a chance to reach for my phone, I blacked out and collapsed for the first time that night. When I came round, my dad asked if I was okay and I told him that I just needed to sit down and regain myself before we continued, so we crossed the road to sit on a little wall and before I had a chance to take a seat, I collapsed again. I came back round shortly after and that was when my dad had decided that it was probably best I go back to my mums, so again we crossed the road and again I collapsed. This time wasn’t like the last. I didn’t come round straight away and I had hit my head pretty badly on the concrete that my dad rang an ambulance for me and then called my mum. I don’t remember much from this night, but what I can remember is still pretty scary.

I remember coming round and speaking to somebody on the phone. I was that out of it, I couldn’t tell you if they were male or female, I couldn’t tell you if it was my mum or the ambulance staff. My dad told me after the whole thing happened that it was the staff at 999, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember what was said or how much time had passed. I just knew I didn’t feel right. By the time the first responder had arrived I was a little more with it but not much. He asked me the usual questions such as, did I have any pain? Did I know where I was? Among others but I don’t really remember them. He took my blood pressure whilst I was sitting down on the pavement because I was told not to move and it had returned to within a normal range. This was the point he decided I didn’t need a trip to the hospital so he phones ahead and cancelled the ambulance. By this point my mum had arrived, so I had both my parents and this paramedic looking at me confused. I felt like a right idiot because I didn’t know what had caused the recent bouts of blackouts. The paramedic wanted to test my blood pressure standing up just to be on the safe side. So with the machine connected to me, I stood up. That moment, my blood pressure dropped probably about as quick as I did and luckily I had people around me to catch me. Again I had blacked out, only this time the machine had shown that my blood pressure was low and that I wasn’t well. This was the point that the first responder phones for an urgent ambulance stating it was a code red… that is the equivalent to someone having a heart attack.

I don’t remember much about what happened next so most of the information I’m about to give comes from my family and doctors that have helped me fill in the blanks. Once I dropped to the floor, my body started to shut down, I had become extremely cold and my blood pressure and heart rate weren’t rising so I was told to sit in the first responders car until an ambulance came. I do remember that the lovely gentlemen didn’t leave my side and stayed with me even at the hospital until his shift finished. By the time I got to the hospital, I wasn’t with it at all. I was taken to resuscitation room because my heart rate was really low and that way I was able to be brought back if the worst happened. My body temperature had dropped again, to the point I was taken to a warmer side room and connected to a heart monitor. Every 5-10 minutes took my blood pressure and heart rate. My heart was beating less than 50 times a minute and because of it my mum had to keep resetting the alarm that would go off. I can’t remember this because the whole time, I was semi comatose. I didn’t have control of my body and I wasn’t even conscious.

I know both my parents had taken it in turns to be by my side, but despite them telling me that I woke up and was talking. I can’t remember it and don’t know what happened. Some point during the night, according to my mum it was between 3-6 in the morning I was moved onto a ward still connected to this monitor. Again I don’t remember. The next thing I remember properly is waking up in a ward with people around me and being told that a trainee specialist in endocrinology thought I had Addison’s disease and was that confident, she was prepared to pay the money to have a synacthen test done which would confirm her diagnosis. For those of you who don’t know, I’ll enlighten you. It’s four needles in the space of an hour and a half. They take your baseline blood, then they inject you with this magnesium stuff that you feel going throughout your entire body. It’s the weirdest and worst sensations I’ve ever felt to this day. Then they come and take your blood three more times at half hour intervals. This is to see if your body reacts with the chemicals and boosts your cortisol levels. Two hours later, they came back and she was right. I have Addisons Disease. It was finally the answer I have been looking for. It was responsible and still is responsible for my irritability, my pains, my blackouts and everything else. What I had gone through is what is known as an Addisonian Crisis, and they can kill people if not treated within a few hours as the body starts to shut down and all your organs can’t function.

At the age of 19, I was told that I would have to rely on tablets every day of my life. That during times of infection, stress and difficulty, I would have to double my tablets in order for my body to cope with the differences in levels. Because of this condition, I am ill probably more than I’m healthy. I’m not in control and I still collapse even now. Only I know when it’s coming and usually drop to the floor to prevent a crisis before my body brings me down. I have lost friends because I can’t always stick to my plans and because my emotions aren’t as easy to control as yours are. My body doesn’t react the same way yours does and because of it, I generally lose my head quicker than most. There are many times where I have had to inject myself in order to stay alive and it’s the scariest thing I could do. I hate needles and to stab myself really is my greatest challenge.

Now I told you guys I was stubborn, and with this condition it’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t admit when I’m at my weakest, I pretend to be okay even though I know I’m not. I have refused to take my tablets before and because of it I have gotten seriously ill. I have pretended that I’m okay and not doubled my steroids when I should which has resulted in irritability and mood swings coming back. I wish I could say that I was smart enough to know better but I’m too stubborn to admit that my body does in fact need help. And now recently, my mental health has taken a beating. I have tried to be strong for so long but I can’t sometimes and that’s okay. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety which is related to the addisons. Yet I haven’t let this hold me back and I refuse too. I am who I am. And who I am is a fighter.

Addisons Disease is an auto immune disease that affects one in every 100,000 people in the uk. My disease is that rare, I have had doctors google my illness in front of me. It’s where the adrenal glands that sit on top of your kidneys don’t function properly and by the time you have your first crisis, your adrenal cortex (which is the outer shell of the adrenal gland) is about 70% destroyed. Your adrenal glands are responsible for your hormones and they are extremely important in your everyday life. They help you fight infections, keep your body running smoothly and give you a boost when you’re stressed or emotionally drained. For those with Addisons, we don’t. We rely on a tablet to regulate everything because our bodies can’t. I mean I probably have more lounge clothes than normal clothes because there are days I physically can’t leave my bed. My life has changed so much that I can no longer travel on public transport without getting poorly so I’ve been advised to avoid it as much as I can. I can’t enjoy things that are high in potassium because it makes me seriously ill. I can’t do much that requires adrenaline without pumping myself with steroids and even then it’s not a guarantee it will work. If I have any sort of medical procedure I have to inform them and be put on a drip because I’m considered high risk. I have the same risk level as those suffering from a heart attack to the point I have to be red flagged under every medical staff that I see.

I haven’t written this post for sympathy or to make myself feel better. I wrote it because I want people aware that despite how rare my condition is, it is real and it does exist. It can affect anyone and you shouldn’t judge someone or call them lazy because sometimes despite how much they want to, their body just doesn’t respond. I wrote this because I am a fighter and I refuse to let my condition define who I am. I refuse to stand back and allow uneducated people to tell me that I’m putting my condition on and it’s not as serious as I make out. I am doing this because if just one person is able to educate themselves on something so rare but potentially deadly, that I could have saved a life.