I hate job hunting…

I seriously think that job hunting is one of the worst things that I currently seem to be doing a lot of. It’s not like I can just stop searching for a job… well I could but I really hate not working. I know a few of you would be sitting there wondering what happened considering a few weeks ago I was still uploading selfies before work on social media but unfortunately I had to give the job up. I loved working for LPCH, but the truth was, the environment didn’t agree with my already complicated immune system. If I’m honest, it was the first time in a while, that I actually felt gutted about leaving a job, even though I had been there a month. Everyone that I met through working there is lovely, and I have plans to meet up with a few of them soon. But my health wouldn’t have been able to handle it. So here I am again, searching for a job.

I think a big part of why I hate job hunting, is because no matter what qualifications I have, I never feel like I’m good enough. I hate filling out application forms and writing about myself even more! I have no self confidence. I doubt myself in pretty much every area of my life and because of this, I hate the idea that I have to ‘sell’ why I should be employed by the company or what skills I could bring to a job role and my mind just goes blank. I mean I am good at a lot of things but most of them things I can’t exactly put under “reasons to hire me”.

Now when it comes to working, I am pretty useless. I had the same job for four years and that was purely because I didn’t have to work every day so if I was sick, I could just not work and it would have been fine. Okay, the times that I agreed to work and then got sick will always weigh on my mind but generally, I worked as much as my body could handle. Then I went to an office where I was surrounded by loads of people, who had different germs, colds and whatnot, just swimming around in the air because of the air con. I loved working in that environment but the air con just kills my immune system more than it already is. I got to the stage where I was getting sicker on antibiotics because of a new infection. However, I realised I loved working with computers and the fact that every person I spoke to was different which meant I heard a range of accents and got to be a part of someone’s day all over the country.I realised that I loved getting dressed up for work. I loved putting on smart clothes and actually feeling like an important person and I loved working in an office.

So with this in mind, all of today I have been applying for jobs and I must have applied for over 50 with still more to go. But I can’t help but feeling like I just wont get employed. Which employer really wants someone who has a compromised immune system? It doesn’t matter how fast I learn how to work or how easily it comes to me, unless I can actually make a difference for the company. If I could be employed based on my personality and skill, I know, I’d have a pretty high chance. But unfortunately that isn’t the case. I have to find a way to write about myself that promotes who I am rather than worrying that I’m unemployable. I hate not working and every day that I’m out of work, is another day that I feel like I’m failing Luna.

What do you hate most about job hunting? Let me know on Twitter and Insta @openupwithme or head over to my facebook page by searching ‘openupwithmeblog’. Thank you for reading. Until the next time, keep smiling. Ferrari. ❤️

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openupwithme

25. Mum. PTSD, EUPD, Depression, Anxiety, Post Natal Depression, Bulimic. Find me on Twitter @OpenUpWithMe; Instagram @OpenUpWithMe; Facebook @OpenUpWithMeBlog🖤

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