It’s not the victims fault. It’s ours for failing them.

I’ve read so many things recently that really got to me. And I’m not sure if it’s because I am a sensitive soul (I know so many people who would disagree with that but hear me out.) in the sense that I really get attached to things easily. Like things hurt my feelings a lot more than they we a “normal” person. And it annoys me.

So we all know about the case in Ireland right? The one where knickers were used as a form of consent. If you haven’t, I suggest giving it a read. I’ll post the link below. Well so many people were taking pictures with their underwear stating how it clearly wasn’t consent. (I will get into that shortly.) Today, I read a story about a guy who wants to claim that BDSM (or whatever else it’s called) is the reason we have rape.

So far, that’s two different stories about why rape happened. As opposed to actually blaming the rapists, members of society want to blame the victims. The people that didn’t agree to being sexually advanced towards, that didn’t agree to be assaulted. Those people that live every day with a fear that it could happen again. You want to blame those people?

What a girl is wearing, is no more consent than the hairstyle she has or the make up she uses. No that isn’t consent. So what she wants to wear skirts or shorts. She might feel really good about her legs, but that’s not an invitation to abuse her trust. So what, she has some cleavage on show, if she has them she should wear what she wants.

I know guys who wear the TIGHTEST skinny jeans I have ever seen in my life, because they make their ass look good. I know guys who buy tops a size too small or a slim fitted top because they spent hours on their body in order to feel good about them selves. But they don’t get blamed for being assaulted because it’s described as “boys instinct”.

In a school uniform, girls are sexualised. You are sent home; if your shirt is too tight, if you’re wearing too much makeup, if your nails are a bright colour all because they are a distraction. Not from you learning but from others. Because boys will not be punished for looking at you instead of doing their work. It’s the girls that suffer because they wanted to brighten up their life with a bit of pink nail varnish, because they wore a bright coloured bra and that’s apparently unacceptable. Not the fact that shirts that are worn by school kids are see through but the girls fault for wearing a colour that would attract attention.

No! That is not acceptable. I got sent home for having a top over my shirt. Because it wasn’t school uniform. But the jumpers they had made me skin crawl as I won’t wear wool, it makes my teeth grind together. So I went with a black top. And got sent home. That’s a joke. Not gonna complain at the time because I got a day off school but it’s a joke.

I know guys and girls who like to enjoy their sex life on the wilder side. Doesn’t mean they want or deserve to be raped because it’s not what they agreed to. That’s done between partners that have agreed and consented. That is completely different to having sex with someone who hasn’t given consent.

Instead, look at the boys that are pinging bra straps after the girl has asked them to stop. Don’t say oh that’s just boys being boys but expect a law suit when you’re older. No. Say it’s wrong. It’s unwanted. And their body is their right. You have no right, nor a reason to violate their body. Instead of looking at the girls saying their underwear was enticing, ask the guys why they clearly didn’t wait for consent. Look at the guys that think the drunker the bird, the easier the bang. Look at the guys who think it’s okay to sexualise things we know are wrong. And look at the people passing it off as boys being boys.

It’s not the guys fault when society as a whole blame the people who need their support. It’s societies. It’s the people that think it’s okay to intrude someone’s personal temple because they decided they wanted them then and there. No. That’s not okay. Being drunk, isn’t an excuse either. Being drunk is not consent.

Do you want to know what consent is? It’s a verbal yes! When you get older, and you get into contracts, you are told that silence is not acceptance. You need verbal or written confirmation. It’s knowing and understanding what you are getting yourself in for.

As a child you are taught that no, means no. And yes means yes. No doesn’t mean yes and silence doesn’t mean yes. So why forget that?

Do you realise how much we put victims through? I say we as the whole of society even though I’d like to think I wasn’t included. Do you realise how much fear can live in someone that’s abused? Do you know how many issues those people then go on to have? How is that fair? How is it fair that as a society, we blame the people that had their trust broken? Who do they look to then? Because society has already shunned them. It’s not their fault. It’s ours. So it’s time we as a society changed that.

Sorry guys. I needed to rant. I said I’d write about things I’m passionate about. So I did. And as promised, the link about the underwear being used as evidence. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46207304. As always, thank you for reading. ❤️

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openupwithme

25. Mum. PTSD, EUPD, Depression, Anxiety, Post Natal Depression, Bulimic. Find me on Twitter @OpenUpWithMe; Instagram @OpenUpWithMe; Facebook @OpenUpWithMeBlog🖤

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