Anyone can father a child, it takes someone special to be a dad.
One of my biggest fears was that when I had children, their father wouldn’t be around. I didn’t want them to experience not knowing when they would next see them.
I was lucky. I had a pretty awesome childhood, sure there was drama in it but I try not to dwell on the negatives. I mean so much has changed since I was born, that most of the people have changed for the better.
My mum has always been around, she’s always pushed us to follow our dreams, she encourages us to go forward in life and she’s always listened when we were upset. Although she spent most of my childhood as a single mum, I think she did an incredible job. We had everything we needed. We got the life skills we needed to be decent people. She’s an incredible, strong and independent woman who has so much courage and determination that helped her achieve so much.
Now I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. No matter what, I’ve always known that my dad loves and cares about me. He may not have been in the family home but I’ve still got some of the greatest memories with him. Memories that I will cherish until I can’t remember them anymore. Every day forward, I am proud of the father he is to my younger siblings. The way he has improved at parenting, because nobody is perfect. He keeps taking steps forward and words can not describe how happy I am. (Nobody has the right to judge anyone. As long as you learn from your mistakes, they can’t be held against you.)
Then we come to me as a parent. I wanted to be like each of them in their own ways. I wanted to be put my children first. I wanted them to know that I would always be around, that they can come to me about anything, that I would never judge them. The problem was, although I could list of everything I wanted to be as a parent, I couldn’t control how the father would be. Parenting is all about working as a team to bring the child up the best way possible.
Now even though Kieran has only been a dad for nine months, he is by far the greatest dad I know! He knew I was pregnant before I had done a test. So much so he would keep making jokes about it. I think it was his way of telling me that I needed to do a test. I remember telling him and his reply being “told you so” imitating me with the exact face I would have pulled at him. He knows me so well.
Every day during my pregnancy, he was there. He came to every scan. He made sure he was at every check and doctors appointment possible. (Due to having the baby in the south and us studying in the midlands, it meant that he missed a few weeks towards the end. As I was granted Mat Leave and he couldn’t for obvious reasons.) Kieran held my hand, endured my mood swings, rubbed my back, massaged my legs and dealt with every craving. He was impressive. He looked after me better than I ever thought possible and I knew that our daughter was one incredibly lucky girl. Everytime I panicked, he would talk me down and tell me that not only was she a fighter like me, but she’d also be stubborn. That she was going to be okay and that as soon as she was here, I’d be able to see that I’m doing an awesome job. He is brilliant like that.
From the day she was born, he has gone above and beyond what I thought possible. Luna was breastfed, so everytime I woke up for a feed, he would be awake with me so that I wasn’t alone. He stayed with us each time we were admitted back into hospital, even though he couldn’t stand being there. He made sure she was calm and relaxed so I could get some sleep. From the day she was born, he has stayed by our sides every step of the way. Luna is a daddy’s girl, and adores spending time with him. He can make her smile and laugh so easily. She can be having a screaming fit but would always calm down for daddy cuddles.
I never doubted his ability as a dad, but I do think I greatly underestimated it. Because I have seen how protective he got over his sister, how he couldn’t bare the thought of having her in care. The way he is around his other sisters and brother, that no matter how much time goes by, they still act as if they saw each other the weekend before. The bond he has with his siblings considering the things they have gone through is a blessing. Yet, Kieran has been my rock. And because of it, we have one extremely happy little lady.
I am truly thankful for the man and father he is, for taking time when he needs it, for never letting himself get angry, for making her smile, for hearing her little belly laugh, for showing her strength, for loving her. I am thankful because I believe that I found the greatest father to our child, and for loving me as well as he does. I am so proud to say that you’re ours. 💋❤️