So for months I have been saying that I want to start a blog to help me make sense of my own mind but also so I can share my experiences with others. If I can help one person, then I know that I have achieved something in this life.
I want this blog to be the start to free expression. The start to write how I feel and things that affect me without the need to hide what I write. After all, if you have come here to read anything of what I’ve posted, you’ve done it of your own free will. If you then proceed to produce any kind of negativity about real struggles that people go through in their life then that says more about who you are as a person than it does me and I have a tip for you. Up in the corner there is an x, click it and take your negativity elsewhere :*.
So for all of you that stayed, thank you. There are gonna be some things that get posted that will take a lot but the truth is one of my fears is to be open and in order to overcome my fear, I need to face it. I mean I can list so many times where I knew I needed to open up and didn’t because I was scared of how they would take it, how they would feel and what they would say in retaliation. I am very much a people pleaser, I always try to make sure everyone else is okay, even at times when I know I should be focusing on myself.
Contrary to popular belief (for those that know me that is) I don’t actually like hurting people. I don’t like saying things that I know will hurt. I have a horrible habit of shutting people out when I feel like I’m going to get hurt, I push people out the door because I am so scared of people walking out on me so I do it before they get the chance. That is how I self destruct. I am hoping by opening up I can limit the amount of damage and destruction I produce.
On the upside, I will also focus on the things that make me smile and things that motivate me to be a better person. Things that I know I am truly blessed to either have or have experienced and memories that I never want to forget. There are people who I’ve met that have changed my life in ways I don’t even think they realise and others that made me realise how much i undervalue myself.
Everybody has a support network and pushing them away doesn’t help anyone. But to the ones that are still with me… Thank you ❤